Birds and Bees


The only time a woman

has a true orgasm

is when she’s shopping.

Joan Rivers


It is magical how spring blooms suddenly take over the landscape and just like that, nature is in the mood to frolic and play! With flowers come the fluttering of birds and bees, bringing to mind how we might send off our young adults out into the world with eyes wide open to the politics of sex, that they may choose to take charge of their sexual experiences instead of being hapless victims.

Each of these musings could use a blog post all its own, but for now, feel free to add your wisdom on what we can pass on to those who are learning to make personal choices as they navigate their way and bloom into their own powerful radiance.

Be fully present. You want a partner who is willing to care about your pleasure and satisfaction, not just his own. Druggies and drunks can’t possibly make great lovers with their impaired motor skills, plus such indulgences are just the tip of the iceberg masking personal baggage you don’t need to complicate your life. Choose quality people to allow into your bed. Make contraception and personal safety your business to minimize exposure to violence, recrimination and the basic humiliation of zero recognition the morning after.

Dress the way you want to be treated. It is fascinating how sexy need not be trashy nor reveal much skin. While we are fortunate to live in a country where women are free to dress as we feel like, let us not be hypocrites and insist on being treated with respect when we wear provocative outfits. When traveling to cultures different from our own, do your best to dress like a local.

Respect those hormones. Sex education cannot be left to schools, the internet and their peers where the focus is superficial on body parts and mechanics. They skirt essential topics of human relationships, how hormones rule emotions and logic–and I’m not even talking about sex drive. Sex is a trigger to a hormonal domino effect on our biology and psychology which results in obsession and attachment to possible extreme “Fatal Attraction” crimes of passion. While there are means of protecting ourselves from STDs and pregnancy, there is no disconnecting the sex organ from the heart and ego.

There is no dignity in being victim. Our world is an animal kingdom with predators of all kinds, using power or weakness to wedge their way into our heart and/or pants. That is their job and overt predators aren’t even the worst! There are seasoned and very smooth operators who play the long game, earning your trust, pity and respect first. Their sob stories will be irresistible to your Inner Hero but do remember not all who appear to need rescue, want to be rescued and they will drag you down with their drama. Natural instincts are our best guide in sniffing people out. Keep your faculties sharp with clean living and pay attention to your emotions, both “good” and “bad”  for they are the means by which your soul and body communicate.  I know, I know–how will our economy survive if we all got smart and shunned medication and alcohol completely?!

Novels and movies lie. Don’t you just love those hot scenes of simultaneous and instantaneous orgasms? Makes most everyone feel like there must be something wrong with them or that, at least, they’re missing out on something. Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski PhD is a reassuring voice letting us know that “normal” is highly personal. There’s nothing wrong if you can’t get wet, can’t orgasm with someone, or have to teach your partner how you want to be touched.

Let’s embrace and make the most of what we’ve got, recognizing that we are uniquely perfect in every other aspect of ourselves as we bloom and grow in this journey of life. Let it not be said nobody told you sex and power are currencies. Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share how you use them wisely.




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Managing Member, DoubleSmart LLC

201 697 1947

Glamour Portraits of the Goddess in Every Woman






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