Not So Ordinary Women

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from Huffington Post

Anita Sarkeesian, a TIME 100 honoree, blogger and founder of Feminist Frequency, launched her Ordinary Women video series this week. Frustrated by the way history books weigh heavily on male accomplishment, giving students the impression that only men have made all the strides worth hearing about. Anita took the initiative to engage us through stories of women who dared greatly, so that our young girls may find their own voice, value their female experiences and find more role models as they learn to see themselves as important in their own intrinsic humanity.

The Ordinary Women: Daring to Defy History series’ first feature on youtube is Russian political freedom fighter Emma Goldman who shares my sentiment: If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be in your revolution. This series will feature four other women leaders and innovators from different cultures and fields of expertise who have been largely left out of history books. I’m looking forward to learning about Ching Shih, a fearsome 19th century pirate who commandeered a massive fleet. Yes, women excel even as villains! 😉 May our girls and young women expand their possibilities beyond obsessing about beauty and  being supporting characters in the stories of men!

Click “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share how you find power in your own voice. Thank you, Anita, for the inspiration every girl needs!

xoxox

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from Google Images

xoxox

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Best Books for Couples

 

Women marry men

hoping they will change.

Men marry women hoping they will not.

Albert Einstein

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Yes, there are plenty of fish out there!  Yet bliss can be found with one–or with one at a time. 😉 Now, will someone please hand us some handy tools for navigating the dynamics of commitment?  In celebration of the end of this fabulous summer, some book recommendations for healthy relationships by Huffington Post’s Dr. Nikki Martinez:

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  Things get lost in translation when we are not aware that people speak different languages in the ways we give and want to receive love. How do you and your partner differ?

Couple Skills by Matthew Mackay. How can you communicate with compassion while coping with differences and resolving conflict?

Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum.  Should you stay or should you go?

The Relationship Cure by John Gottman. How do you strengthen relationships we tend to take for granted?

When The Past is Present by David Richo. How do you understand the different places where you and your spouse are coming from in navigating your relationship?

I Love You But I Don’t Trust You by Mira Kirshenbaum.  Be it daily dishonesties or a monumental betrayal, how can you heal and build trust again?

Love, Sex and Staying Warm by Neil Rosenthal.  How do you keep good old comfy relationships from going totally ho-hum?

47 Love Boosters for a Happy Marriage by Marko Petkovic. How do you connect and deepen your bond even when you’re both terribly busy?

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to add your favorite(s) to this list. And may you be happy with however many fish you have–or don’t!

xoxox

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xoxox

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Hot As Mercury

I adore Chicago.

It is the pulse 

of America.

Sarah Bernhardt

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Famous for it’s gigantic drop of liquid mercury, Chicago just won my vote for The Prettiest City in the U.S.!

You’ll love the river that snakes through dazzling skyscrapers, the helpful locals, and the ease of getting around and through the fabulous park set beautifully next to a lake. See the city in different ways:

Inside Chicago Tours Hillary is charming and funny as she takes you on small group walking tours of the city’s best building interiors and sssshhh! secrets.

Architecture River Cruise The Architecture Foundation’s First Lady Cruises will give you all the right facts. For more entertaining versions, try Shoreline and Jim Collins is one of the fun guides of Wendella boats. Choose the sunset cruise to see the lovely change of city lights.

Bobby’s Bike Hike Yes, you can stand on a Segway or sit in a cool limo. I like combining the distraction of interesting sights with a workout and a bike tour on a cool night is just perfect. Wednesday and Saturday evening tours end with spectacular fireworks on the lake.

Other evening entertainment:

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind. Chicago is the home of improv comedy so skip Broadway for this town’s longest running show of 30 mini plays in one hour. Mostly funny, sometimes poignant, sad and real. Not 21+ though the material can be.

Upstairs at the Virgin Hotel. I’ll have to come back without a teen chaperone to check out the fun at this naughty venue.

Fun restaurants with the family or not:

Three Arts Cafe Whether it’s your first date or the 100th, you’ll enjoy this romantic courtyard with chandeliers, a fountain and glass ceiling, indulgent service with a rooftop, too.

The Palm Court at The Drake Hotel Old world elegance for glamorous high tea after a day exploring the Gold Coast neighborhood. You can combine your tea reservation with a tour of the hotel on weekdays.

Fulton Market Kitchen Feed your inner artist with this feast for the eyes.

The Terrace Regardless of your politics, the Trump Hotel has the best open air views facing the river and half the Chicago skyline.

And if the kids insist on the Skydeck, mom must stop by the breathtaking atrium of the pink building next door.

The neighborhood you stay in makes all the difference and I suspect I adore Chicago because I chose a central location (between Clark Street Bridge and Millennium Park) for easy access to the city’s attractions, shopping and innumerable dining options.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share your best Chicago travel tips here.

xoxox

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xoxox

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My Grandmother’s Closet

My grandmother was a very tough woman.

She buried three husbands and

two of them were just napping. 

Rita Rudner

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A quiet moment of thanks to commemorate the life of the woman who inspired the mission of Powerful Goddess Portraits: To celebrate every woman’s best by making the most of what she’s got.  My grandmother passed last week at 92 surrounded by everyone who loved and was loved by her.

Corazon (Spanish for “heart”) was my first arbiter of style. Her busy extended household was the home of my childhood. A prudish Catholic upbringing failed to  dampen her sense of humor, her love of retelling (saucy) jokes and collecting gag curios to make you blush. Her womb birthed 6 children, she raised many of 15 grandchildren and 13 more call her Great Grandmother today.  Thinking about her signature dishes continues to have a Pavlovian effect on my mouth.

As the inveterate night owl, she fascinated me on many late school nights with her ingenuity, her hunched figure diligently presiding over the formal dining table filled with accoutrements for her project de la nuit.  When my mom was crowned teen queen, she designed the very first quick change gown the town still talks about–no one had ever witnessed a gown transform into a completely different outfit in the blink of an eye!   When my daughter was 6 and ready for the hula dances I learned at her age, guess who sent us matching handmade grass skirts?   There was a time when Ikebana was the rage, bonsai plants took over the garage, her sewing machine a permanent fixture in the living room.   Her house was a revolving door not only of creative projects, but also of pets from goldfish, turtles, chickens, birds, several breeds of dogs, way before the grandchildren  joined the parade.

You didn’t have to leave her house to get a hair cut or perm because she could do that, too. “Let’s shape your eyebrows…” was my initiation to the wonders of makeup.  You can’t buy my favorite summer purse on 5th Avenue–it’s an antique of timeless design from her closet.  For my recent birthday, my kids were impressed by her sketch of animals kissing, elegant calligraphy lacing through the card decorated with her lipstick kiss marks–Who would guess that this artistic script in impeccable English is by someone who never made it to highschool nor to other countries much?  She rarely steps out of the house these days, but when she does, lipstick has got to match the dress.

It was s  sweet homecoming with the aunts, uncles, cousins I grew up with.  How I wish my kids could enjoy the pleasures of being imposed on, sleeping through chaos, being loved by and required to love noisy and nosey relatives of countless degrees!   I say personal space is overrated and Hillary is right about that village!

Laughter mixed with tears when we had to say “When might we see each other again?” goodbyes and I am forever grateful for a childhood around this doyen of talent and creativity.  I am forever blessed with the strength of my self-defined style, compassion, a keen eye for design among the very many talents I have been so lucky to inherit from this Powerful Goddess.  Daghang salamat, Ama Azon, for the treasures of your closet and the treasured memories and wisdom of a lifetime:

that happiness, like religion, has many faces and true faith means respecting each other’s choice for what best suits our needs

that marriage is not a reform institution.  To make any relationship work, there can only be gratitude and the question “Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?”

that today is the day to enjoy what we’ve got and be present for the love and laughter of family and friends

I am grateful for all that I am because of you, Ama Azon!

xoxox

You can swim the deepest ocean and never find a fish like this

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These hands make countless memories and things out of nothing–

and yes, may you wear hip nails at 90, too!

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My Birthday Card

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Half a lifetime ago

photo

And now a bit too big for Grandma’s lap

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xoxox

Š Sharon Birke

201 697 1947

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My 7 Fave Books About Paris

America is my country

and

Paris is my hometown.

Gertrude Stein

“I don’t like reading!” must be the only chorus my two younger teens agree on. They usually bicker like cat and dog yet form a united front on the topic of books, stubbornly glueing their noses to the computer. If it’s any consolation for a mother, at least, their older brother in college actually values the occasional recommendation, discussing his insights and revelations when we talk on the phone. He says this may simply be a function of age and how the book resonates with his current life journey. I say one out of three kids is not a bad average, yes?

In honor of this blog’s favorite French fan’s birthday, here are  stories set in Paris you’ll want to chill with on or off the beach this summer:

The Flaneur by Edmund White. Because meandering strolls with no particular destination is so very Parisian, observing the everyday theater on the city streets.

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Paris to the Moon by Adam Gopnik (2001): What would it be like to raise children in Paris? An American writer shares his adventures starting a new career and family abroad.

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Almost French by Sarah Turnbull.  An Australian’s memoir of her giant leap, moving to Paris and marrying into a different culture.

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The Paris Wife by Paula Mclain.  Would you marry a struggling writer much younger than you? Could you be friendly with your husband’s mistress? A story told from the point of view of Hemingway’s first wife.

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My Life in France by Julia Child.  How did the student become the master? Julia tells of her move to Paris with her husband before she figured out what she wanted to do when she grows up.

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The Little Paris Bookshop by Nina George. A bookseller helps heal wounded hearts by prescribing the perfect story for them to read, eventually mending his own.

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Lessons from Madame Chic by Jennifer L. Scott. shares her 20 style secrets learned while living in Paris.

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Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share what’s on your summer reading list.  Stay cool and tres chic!

xoxox

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Like My Father Always Said

Be good

or

be careful.

Dominic, father of Michele

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My favorites from Erin McHugh’s Like My Father Always Said, a collection of memorable quotes and gruff advice, sweet wisdom, and half-baked instructions on how to fix your life:

What other people think of you is none of your business.

You can have as much freedom as you can pay for.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second rat gets the cheese.

Perfect is the enemy of good.

The moment you think you want to change someone you love, dump ’em. You don’t like them for the right reasons and they won’t change anyway.

Never marry for money. Just hang out with a lot of rich people and fall in love.

Learn at least one new thing everyday.

Don’t let your mouth write a check your ass can’t cash.

The squeaky wheel gets replaced.

Before you speak ask yourself: Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?

The only bad mistake is one you stick by.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share your favorite man’s memorable quip.

xoxox

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xoxox

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Keys to No Makeup

The most beautiful makeup

of a woman is passion.

But cosmetics are easier to buy.

Yves Saint Laurent

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 by Paola Kudacki for “In Common”

Alicia Keys, 15 time Grammy Award winning singer, songwriter, producer and accomplished actress, a New York Times best selling author, entrepreneur and activist, wrote on lennyletter.com:

We all get to point in our lives (especially girls) where we try to be perfect.

The harsh, judgmental world of entertainment was my biggest test yet. I started, more than ever, to become a chameleon. Never fully being who I was, but constantly changing so all the “they’s” would accept me.

Before I started my new album, I listed all the things I was sick of. And one was how much women are brainwashed into feeling like we have to be skinny, or sexy, or desirable, or perfect. I was tired of the constant judgment of women. The constant stereotyping through every medium that makes us feel like being a normal size is not normal. Or the constant message that being sexy means being naked. All of it so frustrating and so freakin’ impossible.

During this process, I wrote a lot of songs about masks filled with metaphors about hiding. I needed these songs because I was really feeling those insecurities. I was uncovering just how much I censored myself, and it scared me. Who was I anyway? Did I even know how to be brutally honest anymore? Who I wanted to be?

I didn’t know the answers exactly, but I desperately wanted to.

I walked into the first shoot for my new album and this issue was front and center. The photographer Paola Kudacki said, “I have to shoot you right now, like this! The music is raw and real, and these photos have to be, too!”

I was shocked. Instantly, I became nervous and uncomfortable. My face was totally raw from the gym. This was my run-to-the-shoot-so-I-can-get-ready look, not the actual photo shoot look. So I asked, “Now? Like right now? I want to be real, but this might be too real!!!”

And that was it. She started to shoot me. It was a plain white background, me and the photographer intimately elating, me and that baseball hat and scarf and a bunch of invisible magic. I swear it is the strongest, most empowered, most free, and most honestly beautiful that i have ever felt.

I felt powerful because my initial intentions realized themselves. My desire to listen to myself, to tear down the walls I built over all those years, to be full of purpose, and to be myself!

Once the photo I took with Paola came out as the artwork for my new song “In Common,” it was that truth that resonated with others who posted #nomakeup selfies in response to this real and raw me. I hope to God it’s a revolution.

‘Cause I don’t want to cover up anymore. Not my face, not my mind, not my soul, not my thoughts, not my dreams, not my struggles, not my emotional growth. Nothing.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share your personal revolution.

xoxox

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No Makeup by Paola Kudacki

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 With makeup for “Queen of the Field”

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for a billboard ad

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for “If I Ain’t Got You”

All images from Google.

xoxox

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If You Lean In…

 

Women who seek

to be equal with men

lack ambition. 

Timothy Leary

 

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I dare you to keep a straight face after reading this title of Gina Barreca‘s compilation of musings on life, love, and work:

If You Lean In, Will Men Just Look Down Your Blouse?

She makes her point in this excerpt:

I asked a woman, “What did you think about Sheryl Sandberg‘s Lean In?”

“At my job, if I lean in, guys just look down my blouse.”

For many of us, reading about wildly high-profile women is a form of masochism. It’s like tearing off our cuticles. We turn pages and wonder, “Why can’t I be more like her?” Then we think what we could have done better.

If only we’d been more focused as teenagers. (That probably would have been possible.) And if only we’d done our senior thesis at Harvard with Larry Summers, who’d have coached us to get our MBA at Harvard and then hired us at twenty-nine to become chief of staff at the Treasury Department. (Maybe slightly less possible.) I’m just saying that not everybody has access to the same playing field as Sandberg and that point needs to be recognized.

Until every woman has access to employment at wages equal to her male colleagues, until women are not told, as Microsoft CEO Sarya Nadella announced at the Grace Hopper Celebration of Women in Computing, that women should “trust the system” and rely on “karma” to reward them financially without asking for raises (as if that’s worked really well up to now), and until every child has a stable secure home, everything else sidesteps the real issue of equity.

I am grateful to this Powerful Goddess for her inspiration to brave new beginnings and define her own success. Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share who holds the key to yours.

xoxox

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xoxox

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Packing Light

When preparing to travel,

lay out all your clothes and all your money.

Then take half the clothes and twice the money.

Susan Heller

Jeeeeezzz! Someone please remind this winter chill it’s supposed to be elsewhere by mid-May! With the calendar ticking whether the heat turns up or not, might a summer adventure with one of these suitcases tempt you to travel light?

T. Anthony glazed red alligator leather with roomy sections, interior pockets, zip compartment, and polished nickel hardware. Anthony.com $12,000.

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Louis Vuitton Pegase 55 Epi leather in a range of happy colors comes with a garment bag. LouisVuitton.com $4,650.

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Vocier bags. Shirts, shoes and accessories go in the middle of the bag; suits and dresses slip into the outer shell for minimal folding. An easy opening provides direct access to a laptop.  The C38 made of canvas is $595. The F38 clad in leather is shown here ($1,195.)  Vocier.com.

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Tumi‘s Super Leger International four-wheeled carry-on is the lightest of the lot, allowing more weight allowance for your stuff. Tumi.com $545 is on sale now at $405.

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This duffel has compartments for clothes, smaller ones for a laptop, phone, and shoes, even a sneaky slot along the spine for ties and comes in chic black canvas or five hues of leather. Debuts in July at WoolandOak.com ($355-$575).

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Polycarbonate Zero Air II 20 inch carryon on four wheel spinner travel case. ZeroHalliburton.com at $395.

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And if a carry-on is just not enough, Send My Bag picks up your belongings and ships them almost anywhere in the world within a week.  Fedex tailored to travelers. Sed a bag, a box, even a bicycle within the US for $59 one way. Shipping from the US to Europe starts at $99 for 33 pounds. SendMyBag.com.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share your favorite travel tote.

xoxox

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The Perfect Mother

My mother’s menu

consisted of two choices:

Take it or leave it.

Buddy Hackett

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This Powerful Goddess has fond memories of growing up inheriting her mother’s good looks, sunshiny personality and a romantic vintage trousseau. May we all be so blessed! For those  whose gifts from their mothers did not initially appear this lovely, an excerpt from Byron Katie‘s A Thousand Names for Joy:

When my daughter attended her first of my workshops with a large group of therapists present, she was working on “the mother from hell”–which was how she had experienced me as she was growing up. She couldn’t bear to look at me as she was doing her Work; it was hard for her even to hear the sound of my voice. I was the root of her problem, she thought, and I was also her salvation; she had to ask the monster for help, which made her furious. At a certain moment she became very passionate and got right in my face saying I should have mothered her differently. I said, “That’s not my job. Mother yourself, Honey. You be the mother you always wanted.” Later she told me that that was the greatest gift I ever gave her. It turned out to be her freedom. I know the privilege of mothering myself. It’s hopeless to see it as anyone else’s job. Here’s what I’ve told all my children: “You have the perfect mother. I’m responsible for all your problems, and you’re responsible for the solutions.”

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share how you’ve been a good mother to yourself.  And have the happiest one yet!

xoxox

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xoxox

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Met Museum Hack

I went to the museum

of the heads & arms from the statues

that are in all the other museums. 
Steven Wright

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What’s a very unique and fun twist to your next visit to NYC’s Metropolitan Museum of Art?  Museum Hack‘s Badass Bitches Tour of the Met!  Not your grandmother’s idea of a museum tour, but she’ll enjoy it anyway with your mom and all your favorite women.  Enthusiastic, educational and entertaining, a dynamic duo will explain art pieces by women in ways you have never known them before.

From defining feminism to incorporating untold tales of women represented in or who made the featured artworks, this tour guides you through objects, sculptures, paintings at the Met Museum that  reclaim women’s rightful place in history and return our pride in the distinctive shapes of our bodies.

Without giving much away, here are a few photos and questions to get you curious about the fun difference a badass tour of the Met makes…

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Outstanding women who never got their due: Who was really behind the success of Tiffany lamps and stained glass windows? (The ladies in front of it are our awesome Museum Hack guides, Mindy and Bex.)

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While there are hundreds of penises on display throughout the Met, can there seriously be only three properly represented vaginas?  And have you heard of the UK based sculptor whose work  helps counter labiaplasty by giving women an understanding of how wide the spectrum of “normal” is in female genitalia?

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A memento moment with my favorite sculpture at the Met, The Vine by Harriet Whitney Frismouth. Big thanks to Museum Hack and FujiFilm’s Instax Share SP-1 Mini digital polaroid printer.

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Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share your bright Mother’s Day gift idea!

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Earth Friendly Fashion

I’m just trying

to change the world

one sequin at a time.

Lady Gaga

Earth Day treats for the fashion conscious includes Elizabeth Cline’s book Overdressed: The Shockingly High Cost of Cheap Fashion

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… and these clothing brands that strive to raise the bar on the matter of making style kind to the earth:

H&M Conscious  H&M’s affordable options to those who want eco-friendly fashion without breaking the bank or compromising on style.
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Litke Behind the minimalist design, eccentric tailoring and unique touches of Catherine Litke’s self-titled line are quality organic fabrics, handmade details and a business model that puts local manufacturing high on its priority list.
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Amour Vert Leading the eco-style industry with its French casual chic, incredibly conscientious style, “With Every Stitch a Purpose” motto, made-in-the-USA manufacturing, non-toxic dyes, sustainable fibers, innovative fabrics and zero-waste design philosophy. And who else plants a tree for every t-shirt they sell?
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Study NY The female version of Tim Gunn, Tara St James creates minimalist style with contemporary flair using eco-conscious practices, including zero-waste, environmentally friendly fibers and local production.
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Zero + Maria Cornejo Using ecological and sustainable materials and techniques when possible (with everything from fabric made from recycled cassette tapes to llama wool), Maria Cornejo creates timeless, modern designs that have been worn by the likes of Michelle Obama and Tilda Swinton.
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Reformation Every list of green clothing brands must  include Reformation, the manufacturer of super chic products in an environmentally friendly sewing factory, then ships off their garments made of sustainable fabrics and vintage garments in 100% recycled packaging.
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Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to add your Earth Day fashion tips here. Photos on this page are from Google Images.

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Best Coffee Blogs

I like coffee 

because it gives me the illusion

that I might be awake.

Lewis Black

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Rise and shine with this Powerful Goddess and the best blogs about everything related to your morning coffee:

The Coffeetographer is set up like a magazine with pretty photos, coffee stories and other features.

The Coffee Adventures, a woman’s foray into the world of coffee roasting and brewing.

Coffee Brew Guides, a blog by Garrett Oden, a home brewing enthusiast.

The Coffee Concierge, Benji, reviews of coffee and coffee makers, recipes, brewing guides and experiments.

Pure Coffee Blog a fanatic’s guide to coffee and tea products and establishments.

Dear Coffee I Love You recommends gift ideas for coffee lovers.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to add your favorite resource for your cup of joe.

xoxox

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Seen in Sicily

 

The Mafia gets points

for having

the best restaurants.

David Beard

Italy-Sicily-map-Sharon-Birke

A tour of Sicily for 11 days? I imagined this island to be just a bunch of rocks so I had serious doubts. Sarah Murdoch, the Goddess of Packing Light and honorary Sicilian, won me over with her enthusiasm and passion, swearing 11 days is not enough to see all of Sicily’s best.

Turns out, Sicily has always been the bread basket of Italy and driving through the island revealed a rolling landscape of fertile farms, vineyards, citrus and olive groves. Even if you don’t have 11 days, here are more than 11 things worth seeing and doing:

1. Visit the charming Contessa of the Palazzo Conte Frederico. Her family converted their Palazzo’s stables into Palermo’s most royal B&B.  She will be thrilled to host your private party and her love story with her husband will make you swoon.

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2. Take the local pulse at bustling open markets and catch quaint domestic street scenes like this genius manual elevator.

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3. The Cathedral of Monreale has 68,000 square feet of mosaics illustrating various passages from the Bible. Each tile measures about the size of the fingernail on your little finger. What’s even more amazing is  that the artisans of this Catholic church were Muslims imported from Constantinople–which explains why the work is similar to the Hagia Sofia in Istanbul.

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4. The Sicilian Goddess of Pastry, Maria Grammtico, hosts group lunches and pastry baking demonstrations. Signora Maria was orphaned very young and had to work at a convent crushing almonds as a little girl. Her biography Bitter Almonds: Recollections and Recipes from a Sicilian Girlhood tells how she turned the difficulties of her childhood into a literally sweet life.

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5. If the kids tag along, this family of puppeteers in Ortigia will remind you of the Von Trapp family of the “Sound of Music” with their Italian productions.

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Trivia for lovers of antiquity: Where do you find the world’s best preserved Greek ruins? Sicily, of course!  In the very long history of this strategically located island’s revolving door of ruling powers, the Greeks had their turn and a few of Sicily’s hills are littered with their art and architecture.

6. Sing an aria at Segesta’s amphitheater. With its incredible acoustics, you can hear the person on stage whisper even when you’re this far. And do notice the backdrop of mountain, sea and neighboring island off the horizon.

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7. On the rolling hills of Agrigento, the Temple of Concordia stands majestic, looking out to the sea. If you’d rather not melt your wings in the heat like this fallen Icarus, visit Sicily off season. At night, this temple and its neighboring ruins are lit for your viewing pleasure as you sip a granita at your hotel terrace.

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8. From the Roman chapter of Sicilian history remains the mosaic floors of the Villa Romana Del Casale from 500 BC. Carpet sellers could not possibly have made a penny from this family who had every inch of their 4,000 sq. feet covered with a variety of scenes and patterns. My favorite was the long hallway of now extinct exotic animals captured in Africa for the Roman extravaganzas at the Coliseum. The “Bikini Girls” in the next room are actually  female athletes of their time.

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9. “Passeggiata” is for people watching. In the early evening at every town especially on Sundays, locals meander down Main Street to say hello to each other and catch up with daily gossip.  Dress well for La Bella Figura, a good first impression and photo opportunities.

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10. Eat well and/or cook better! Learn how to make Arancino rice balls, caponata, fresh gelato, Sicilian pizza,… at the Nosco Culinary School in the hillside town of Ragusa.

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11. Can chocolate be made without heat, butter or artificial additives? Solve the mystery while chocolate tasting at Antica Dulceria Bonajuto in the town of Modica. Had to bring home their pistachio chocolate Easter Eggs.

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12. Wine tasting does not get more charming than in the company of the handsome father and twin sons who run the Benanti vineyard on the slopes of Mount Etna. I love how the labels of their wine bottles  combine the family patriarch’s love of wine and Renaissance art.

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13. In Siracusa, whisper in the Ear of Dionisio or sing your heart out with a grand chorus.

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I didn’t even make it to Sicily’s beaches! Taormina is popular with its pebbles and if you prefer sand, head towards the Southern coast facing Africa.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to add your Sicily travel tips.  La Dolce Vita Easter to you!

xoxox

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How To Raise An Adult

I think

if I make it to 40,

I can be pretty amazing.

Wendy Wasserstein, Uncommon Women & Others

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Wandering Rome with my teen surrounded by magnificent sculptures, I imagine the discipline it took artists to mold hard stone into flowing robes and graceful figures. They give me a measure of comfort realizing that parenting teens requires as much patience and dedication–while remembering to keep our hands tied behind our back.

Why did parenting change from preparing our kids for life to protecting them from life? How has this shift left them unprepared to live life on their own?

Julie Lythcott-Haims sums up the effects of “helicopter parenting” from her observations as a parent and as an academic administrator working with college Freshmen in her book How To Raise An Adult.

The central aim of parenting has evolved to preparing children for success and every act of nurturing gets judged on the basis of whether it will usher a child toward a life of accomplishment or failure. This standard holds our everyday choices hostage to worries for their prosperity and future. As the New York Times article of Heather Hevrilesky puts it, “A child who soaks in the ambient anxiety that surrounds each trivial choice or activity is an anxious child, formed in the hand-wringing, future-focused image of her anxious parents.”

Much as we want to exempt our children from pain and suffering, Julie Lythcott-Haims underlines that learning through experience is the best way humans learn. If we don’t allow our children to suffer the tribulations of life, we are not doing our job of preparing them to be adults. It is necessary to hold our tongue and stay out of their way as they stumble, learn how to pick themselves up and arrive at their own answers.

This book is both pro-parent and pro-child, well researched, easy to read, and full of comforting and practical advice for parents walking the tightrope of being supportive without being controlling. Tough, I know!

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share what it takes for your to allow your children to figure things out on their own.

xoxox

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Best TED Talks by Women

Women are made 

to be loved,

not understood.

Oscar Wilde

 

To celebrate Women’s History Month 2016, here’s a short list of my favorite TED talks by women to inspire all. Enjoy!

The Secret to Desire in Long Term Relationships by Esther Perel

Our need for comfort and stability in a relationship goes against what feeds desire. What to do?

 

Why 30 is Not the New 20 by Meg Jay

Raising teens? A few things to think about…

 

Can we “Have it all”? by Anne-Marie Slaughter

Can we ever live and let live on the matter of our life choices?

 

The Opportunity of Adversity by Aimee Mullins

What’s a gorgeous woman to do without legs?

 

The Danger of a Single Story by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

What is the untold version of the story you believe in?

 

Be an Opportunity Maker by Kare Anderson

How can you use our talents if you’re “phobically shy”?

 

The Price of Shame by Monica Lewinsky

How do you move forward from being shamed on a grand scale?

Why Ambitious Women Have Flat Heads by Dame Stephanie Shirley

How a child refugee of Nazi Europe made her life worth saving

Dare to Disagree by Margaret Heffernan

Is loving people who don’t think like us worth it?

How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over by Mel Robbins

How to get what you really want, just pick one!

 

The Person You Really Need to Marry by Tracy McMillan

Divorced three times, what if he isn’t the one–again?

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share your favorite inspiration.

 

xoxox

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Good Green Envy

I envy paranoids–

they actually believe people are

paying attention to them.

Susan Sontag

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With everyone’s life looking absolutely fabulous on Facebook and Instagram, it’s easy to imagine that other people always have it better.  If we can’t remember that what we may be comparing are our “insides” with their “outsides,” at least, can there be a good reason why we can’t help but covet our neighbor’s goods?

Of course, envy hurts–pain is meant to be a wake up call. The closer we are to the person we envy, the more intensely we feel this emotion and the harder it is to repress. Few can openly speak of the pleasure we derive from stories of the misfortune of others.

But when we are able to admit we’re envious, we can proceed to inquire, “What am I jealous of, really?,” “What can I learn from this person’s success?,” and  “What stops me from going for what she has?”

Envy is an important clue to something we desire but have been putting off. After we go through the gamut of dark emotions it stirs in us, envy helps clarify the direction we can devote our energy next, creating our own satisfying version of reality. And may we see no evil in that!

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share how you deal with your own little green monster.

xoxox

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xoxox

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Sacred Healing: The Peruvian Despacho

The best gift you can give your partner

is to dress like his parents

and apologize.

@BisHilarious tweet

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My heart is overflowing from the happiest and most memorable Valentine’s week of my entire life–no sex involved!  With an expanded view of love beyond romance, there was so much to celebrate: cozy dinners with neighbors and friends, thoughtful surprises of gifts and flowers, dance parties with fun people, and most meaningful of all, a very unusual Valentine’s party my daughter and I attended.

A Powerful Goddess Shaman decided to avoid unnecessary angst and disappointment Valentine’s can bring when our beloved fails to show or deliver what we expect. She hosted a beautiful Peruvian Despacho Ceremony with her favorite people to affirm how we are the true source of unconditional love and healing. My daughter and I were moved to tears as we explained every element we chose to be part of the artwork we created for each other. This most touching experience made me felt seen by loving eyes, grateful to be blessed and bless in turn. My daughter said, “I’ve never cried so much tears of joy!”

Despacho is a Spanish word for “dispatch” or “shipment.”  It is a symbolic offering of your prayers for support, thanksgiving,  desires and blessing. The ceremony can be performed individually or as a group, a most meaningful celebration for birthdays, weddings, memorials, milestones and life transitions. A despacho is similar to a mandala or sacred creation in that it holds symbolic elements and the prayers of the participants for whatever concerns them: relationships, finances, health, career, etc. As the shaman adds elements to the despacho, it becomes a living prayer that brings energy shifts and healing.

To create your own, begin with a large piece of white paper that will serve as the wrapping for all of your offerings. Choose each ingredient you add for its significance and bless it with a prayer or intention before positioning it harmoniously with the other symbols at the center of the paper. Include elements to signify fire, earth, water and air. Examples:

Soil for the feeling of being grounded and secure

Sugar and candy to bring sweetness and love

Corn and grains to symbolize growth and nourishment

Flowers for beauty, joy and love

Arrange your symbolic items with great care and beauty on the paper. Take your time thinking of what else can symbolize what you are praying for.

When your mandala is complete, fold the paper and tie up the bundle beautifully. You can ceremoniously burn your creation to let your intention become part of the air, bury it in the earth to compost for new endeavors, or release it into a river as a symbol of letting go of your desires as they become part of nature’s flow of energy.

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Choose the symbols then assemble your Despacho at the center of a sheet of square paper

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This Romeo could not resist tasting the sweets I chose to symbolize joy, fun and play for my daughter’s mandala

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She cried on my lap as I explained the symbolism of each element I chose for the artwork I dedicated to her

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Wrap your creation beautifully before burning, burying or releasing into a body of water

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Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share what symbols you might choose for your Despacho.

xoxox

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The Rose Bath

There must be a few things

that a hot bath can’t cure,

but I don’t know many of them.

Sylvia Plath

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Whether someone’s bringing you Valentine flowers or you have to buy/grow them yourself, here are a few thoughts on true love by a favorite Buddhist, Pema Chodron:

People always say that that’s what they want: they want someone to love them unconditionally, and they want to love unconditionally. We think we’d be delighted to have an unconditional relationship, but that’s only as long as it’s on our own terms. Anyone who has been married or in a long-term relationship knows that challenges present themselves constantly. The challenges are to give in, to surrender our way of doing things, and not to split when we feel threatened. Basically, the challenge is to be genuine–to feel our pounding heart or shaking knees or whatever it is, and stick with it. In a nutshell, very few of us ever allow ourselves to be in a situation that doesn’t have at least a teensy-weensy little exit, a place where we can get out if we have to.

By living without “shoulds” we gradually discover our wakefulness and our confidence. Gradually, without any agenda except to be honest and kind, we assume responsibility for being here in this unpredictable world, in this unique moment, in this precious human body.

Every act counts. Every thought and emotion counts, too. This is all the path we have. Are we, at least, willing to catch ourselves spinning off and do that without embarrassment? Do we at least aspire to not consider ourselves a problem, but simply a pretty typical human being who could at that moment give him/herself a break and stop being so critical and compulsive?

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share how you might love (yourself) more easily this season of hearts. Make it memorable!

xoxox

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xoxox

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The Art of Arousal

I don’t know the question,

but sex is definitely

the answer.

Woody Allen

Inspiration for my work comes from a variety of art, friends, fans of this blog, as well as the women I photograph who share their enthusiasms. A surprise gift that warmed my winter is this  delightful book that celebrates sex as a powerful creative force. Dr. Ruth Wertheimer’s The Art of Arousal is a collaboration between a serious art historian and a woman who was converted to the religion of art late in life, proving to herself that there is no deadline for pursuing new directions.

Among the features in the book is a favorite painting, Jean Auguste Dominique Ingres’ Odalisque with Slave. Of all Odalisques, I love this for her relaxed and carefree abandon.

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Like me, 18th century French painter Jean Honore Fragonard sought to indulge his client’s whims and fantasies. When the baron de Saint Julien commissioned him for a painting of his mistress: “I should like to have you paint Madame on a swing. You will place me in such a way that I would see the legs of this lovely girl.” Fragonard responded, “Ah! Monsieur, it is necessary to add to the essential idea of your picture by making Madame’s shoes fly into the air.”

The mere sight of a dĂŠcolletage, the nape of a neck, the curve of a woman’s back can give intense and satisfying pleasure. In Admiration, Degas lends humor to the ridiculous positions a voyeur doesn’t mind being in for a glimpse of his goddess of the moment.

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Robert Colescott, a contemporary American artist, portrays himself as the great Henri Matisse painting The Dance. Colescott asks the viewer “What if Matisse were a black American and if Matisse’s models were thick of waist, long of leg and with shocking bleached blonde hair, would we consider them beautiful?”

Colescott-painting-Beauty-is-in-the-eye-of-the-beholder

William Wegman is a contemporary artist who dresses up his family of Weimaraners to photograph them in humorous situations, challenging our stereotypes of human behavior. This photo is named after Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Posed as a slinky studio nude, with one leg coyly lifted to suggest s sultry modesty, she bares not one breast but eight. She knows, as does her master, that eroticism is largely in the mind of the beholder.

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If my photography isn’t obvious yet, seduction and flirtation are my favorite pets: Longing fueled by chivalrous courtship and restraint. Imagination and playfulness used to stoke desire.  Thoughtful creativity and surprise employed in the pursuit of one’s beloved. Today’s teens would do well to learn the art of conversation in creating an engaging intimate space amidst a crowd. But before you think I’m a prude…

Octave Lassaert’s lithograph Don’t Be Cruel! shows how intimacy provides a safe space for exploring fantasy–or as an exercise in empathy? Here, the woman makes an advance lifting his skirt while he implores her to take it easy.

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Above all, I am a romantic so the business of kissing is my favorite subject, next to gazing into the partner’s eyes and tender touching– with clothes on!  The Stolen Kiss painted by Margaret Gerard (Fragonard’s sister in law) tells the urgency of a moment when someone can walk into a situation that should not be.

Margaret-Gerard-The-Stolen-Kiss-Powerful-Goddess-Portraits

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share your Valentine gift inspiration.

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift

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201 697 1947

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