Fathers On Love

 

Learn from other people’s mistakes.

We will never live long enough

to make them all on our own.

from “Human Engineering” by Harry Myers and Mason M. Roberts

 

Happy Father’s Day!  Llittle Daddy’s girls grow up too quickly into gorgeous women!  What life experience would you pass on to our daughters as wisdom on men and relationships?

Prince Charming is not coming.  Do you really want to get involved with a dashing self-absorbed Mama’s boy who’s obsessed with slaying dragons and chasing damsels in distress?  This can only mean he’s unemployed and is on serious medication to believe dragons exist. You won’t be the first nor last damsel in distress he’ll want to rescue and his thirst for constant adventure won’t make him a happy helper with the kids at home. There is a price to pay for everything so clarify the manly qualities that are most important to you, as well as your deal breakers.

Handle your own money. Set up your bank accounts so an automatic percentage for every dollar you earn goes to a savings account that grows.  No matter how attractive credit card companies make the terms of their little plastics, do not spend more than what you have.  Most importantly, avoid marrying other people’s debts and drama.

Be happy alone. Whether in a relationship or not, keep time alone sacred and romance yourself each week to enjoy your own company. Even when demanding children start popping into the scene, your primary relationship should always be with yourself.

Great sex ain’t good enough.  A relationship needs conversation, laughter and shared values to make it through tough times. Before those sex hormones cloud your thinking–making you obsessive and attached–establish ties that bind common interests outside the bedroom.

Actions speak louder.  Falling in love is delusional. When we’re interested in someone, we will interpret other people’s words to skew for intent. If his actions don’t back up what he says, learn from Ariana Grande: Next!

Something is not always better than nothing.  How does he make your life better? If you know he’s not good enough, but he’s the only one who has asked you out in awhile, don’t waste your time nor his. Both of you are better off asking other people out whom you may be better matched. Don’t be lazy.

Keep your relationships rich and varied. Many women brush off girlfriends in the thrill of being a couple.  Rookie mistake!  Maintain breathing room to acknowledge your individuality and he will appreciate your confidence in giving him time to himself and to hang with his boys. Value each other’s disparate experiences and influences that you bring to the table. At the very least, make sure you like his friends and family because you’ll be spending time a lot of time with them, too.

Your sad story is boring. Whatever and whoever shows up in our lives are meant to draw out qualities like wisdom, strength and courage. Find the gift of a breakup, never abandon yourself, and move forward in life with greater self-compassion and understanding. There is never a wasted experience and there is no dignity in being identified as victim forever.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share wisdom from your dad or your own, if you’re a dad yourself. You’re too lucky to be loved by many divine Goddesses!

xoxox

 

 

 

 

 

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift

of elegant and timeless portraits with a

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© Sharon Birke

Managing Member, DoubleSmart LLC

201 697 1947

PowerfulGoddess@me.com

www.PowerfulGoddess.com

Glamour Portraits of the Goddess in Every Woman

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barely There

 

Forgot to make resolutions?

Just write everything you did last night

and at the beginning, add the word “Stop.”

@PeteHolmes

 

A most beautiful and tender welcome to 2019! I shall leave resolutions for others to make and break. Instead, I extend this invitation for all to embrace the new year with a gentle remembering and a return to the womb of woman.

Let us remember the moment of our birth, the time of owning nothing yet knowing that all is well. Remember screaming loudly for our desires without worry that they might  cause shame, guilt or regret. Remember not knowing that there could be some standard or measurement more correct than our own, that there can be separation between us and them, between our bodies, our planet and the heavens. Remember not knowing that we can possibly be unworthy.

Let us take this moment to remember when we knew we are true love itself, that all of who we are is good, whole and complete without missing or undesirable  parts. Let us remember why we have chosen to be a light on Earth, to be with the people who are in our lives right now, and to welcome those we wish to add to our circle of care and influence. Let us recognize and own once more our power to inhabit our bodies and desires fully, to choose peace, love, action, to keep an eye on the big picture, to remember that what seems to good or bad today may yet prove to be its inverse down the road.

While we may appear to be an inconsequential drop in the very wide ripple of consciousness and consequence, let us remember that we are like leaven unto bread and we make a difference anyhow, no matter how bare our little lives may seem.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share what makes you feel grounded and powerful. Continued courage in your journey and thank you so much for loving on!

xoxox

 

 

 

 

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift

of elegant and timeless portraits with a

Powerful Goddess Gift Certificate

for a two hour photo shoot of up to three people!

 

Buy Now Button with Credit Cards

© Sharon Birke

Managing Member, DoubleSmart LLC

201 697 1947

Sharon@PowerfulGoddess.com

www.PowerfulGoddess.com

Glamour Portraits of the Goddess in Every Woman

 

The Good Wives

 

If love is the answer,

could you please

rephrase the question?

Lily Tomlin

 

 

When you’ve seen every hole and gnatty stain on each other’s favorite pajamas, how do you keep the romance going?  Author and TED talk speaker Esther Perel insists on our agency, our vitality and our complicity in making the best out of our long term relationships. From her book The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity:

Infidelity has a tenacity that marriage can only envy. So much so that it is the only sin that gets two commandments in the Bible, one for doing it and one just for thinking about it. Lovers today seek to bring under one roof desires that have forever had separate dwellings. Our expectations have gotten all out of hand. Our obsession with transparency, total disclosure and suffocating intimacy stanches desire — fire needs air!

All this before the stigma from choosing to stay in a compromised relationship?! Ayayay!

No better day than Valentine’s to practice compassion for villains and victims alike. They may not always be what they appear, for they are equal in the opportunity to use power to their advantage–overtly and otherwise. In the double standard of society, a man’s exposed dark side becomes a witch hunt for the woman who chooses to stand by him. And I don’t even want to know what price she’s had to pay long before we come around to shame her. Who’s the bully then?

When we focus on blame, we beg the question of what we lead ourselves (and teach our young) to believe. Can there really only be fifty shades of human behavior? Until we move to Mars, power and sex are tradable currencies and commodities on this planet. There is no shame in being a victim but there is also no dignity in incessantly playing the “Poor me, too!” card. There are gallant knights, ogres, wolves and monsters–sometimes all rolled into one person, at times not always male nor blatantly powerful, some more irresistible than others–lurking in the shadows of brightly lit offices, classrooms, cheerful houses, fancy restaurants and especially hotel rooms. The question “What would you say (or do) if someone you trust and respect takes advantage of you?” should be fair game at family gatherings.

Raised by parents who were both sole survivors of their families from Holocaust concentration camps, Dr. Perel learned to distinguish between two types of people: those who were alive and those who didn’t die. Her parents “understood the erotic as an antidote to death.”

There is no greater love than allowing people to choose what’s right for themselves–even between spouses. There is no greater love we can give ourselves than deciding to fashion a full and meaningful life despite difficult and unwanted experiences. That which we don’t allow to kill us, will buy us time to understand the gift it was meant to bring.  If there is one true power that nobody can ever take away from us, it is our talent for alchemy: to take the darkness of pain, hurt and suffering and allow it to push us towards the light of strength, power, wisdom and goodness as we move forward with our lives. This power is the one true guarantee of fairness in the world that we can always count on.

With or without pajamas, best to leave expectations of seeing everything in black and white to photography.

Click on “Leave a Comment” to share how you keep the bedroom fire burning. True love IS always with you! Kiss! Kiss!

xoxox

 

 

 

 

xoxox

 

Give the women you love the most unique gift

of elegant and timeless portraits

with  a Powerful Goddess Gift Certificate

for a two hour photo shoot of up to three people:

Buy Now Button with Credit Cards

© Sharon Birke

Managing Member, DoubleSmart LLC

201 697 1947

Sharon@PowerfulGoddess.com

www.PowerfulGoddess.com

Glamour Portraits of the Goddess in Every Woman

 

 

 

The Rose Bath

There must be a few things

that a hot bath can’t cure,

but I don’t know many of them.

Sylvia Plath

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Whether someone’s bringing you Valentine flowers or you have to buy/grow them yourself, here are a few thoughts on true love by a favorite Buddhist, Pema Chodron:

People always say that that’s what they want: they want someone to love them unconditionally, and they want to love unconditionally. We think we’d be delighted to have an unconditional relationship, but that’s only as long as it’s on our own terms. Anyone who has been married or in a long-term relationship knows that challenges present themselves constantly. The challenges are to give in, to surrender our way of doing things, and not to split when we feel threatened. Basically, the challenge is to be genuine–to feel our pounding heart or shaking knees or whatever it is, and stick with it. In a nutshell, very few of us ever allow ourselves to be in a situation that doesn’t have at least a teensy-weensy little exit, a place where we can get out if we have to.

By living without “shoulds” we gradually discover our wakefulness and our confidence. Gradually, without any agenda except to be honest and kind, we assume responsibility for being here in this unpredictable world, in this unique moment, in this precious human body.

Every act counts. Every thought and emotion counts, too. This is all the path we have. Are we, at least, willing to catch ourselves spinning off and do that without embarrassment? Do we at least aspire to not consider ourselves a problem, but simply a pretty typical human being who could at that moment give him/herself a break and stop being so critical and compulsive?

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share how you might love (yourself) more easily this season of hearts. Make it memorable!

xoxox

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xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift

of elegant and timeless portraits

with  a Powerful Goddess portrait session Gift Certificate:

Buy Now Button with Credit Cards

Sharon Birke

201 697 1947

Sharon@PowerfulGoddess.com

www.PowerfulGoddess.com

Glamour Portraits of the Goddess in Every Woman

The New Leaf

This 2016, I resolve to 

accomplish my resolution of 2015

that I made in 2014.

Anurag Prakash Ray

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A delicious new year of possibilities and beginnings, Everyone! Another golden opportunity to see ourselves with more gentle kindness and greater love. What brave adventures will you say YES to in 2016?

In an era when looking younger than our age is the ideal, Carre Otis shares her journey of self acceptance as role model to her young daughters in A Sisterhood of Inner Beauty (on Huffington Post:)

I’ve learned to surround myself with women who lift me up and leave me feeling nurtured rather than drained. I’ve learned to watch my words, too, particularly around my daughters — two of my greatest teachers — doing my best not to gossip about other women or even myself. If they were to hear me put some of those seemingly automatic thoughts on loudspeaker, such as, “I look bad today… Look at those bags under my eyes…” I now understand that it would impact them in a profoundly unhealthy way. Just as young people absorb all kinds of messages from the media, young girls learn what it means to be a woman by watching the older women in their lives.

I’m proud that today, at 43 years old, I’ve come to value the aging process and anticipate growing older with a sense of excitement. I want my daughters to see their mother fearlessly and gracefully claiming her body, her voice and her years. Easier said than done, of course. For me, it’s required discipline: Just as I’m careful about what my daughters are exposed to, I avoid magazines that critique what female celebrities are wearing, what they’re buying and what they look like. I skip right past channels that exploit “cat fights” or reality shows. And I’ve learned to walk away from any real-life judgmental conversations about women. They bring me down. They bring us all down.

And Goddess knows how powerful we can be when we feel good about ourselves! I wish you a most magical year of reveling in your womanhood at any age. Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share what new possibilities thrill you.

xoxox

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xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift

of elegant and timeless portraits

with  a Powerful Goddess portrait session Gift Certificate:

Buy Now Button with Credit Cards

© Sharon Birke

201 697 1947

Sharon@PowerfulGoddess.com

www.PowerfulGoddess.com

Glamour Portraits of the Goddess in Every Woman

Thinner Peace

I want to weigh less,

not by diet and exercise,

but by acquiring a faulty scale.

Jarod Kintz

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Now that both men and women (and, by osmosis, our children) stand firmly united in obsessing about weight, how about a new way of thinking to start the schoolyear? A visualization from Martha Beck on how to keep that weight off for good:

Hold out both your palms. Imagine on one hand a mini-version of your Dictator, that part of you that insists on losing weight, screaming insults that make you feel fat.  On the other hand, see a mini-version of your Wild Child, the kid who’s tired, afraid and frightened from being continually assaulted by the Dictator’s attacks and privations. Notice that both mini-yous are essentially good. The Dictators get frantic when you gain weight just as you would if you saw a toddler wandering into traffic. It screams and yells, pushes and forces, because it’s trying to save you from a terrible, fat fate.  And your Wild child isn’t remotely malicious, just devastated, confused, and afraid.

Realize that both the Wild Child and the Dictator deserve compassion. Offer it to them by saying this:

You are well.

You are blessed.

You are free.

The wisdom traditions of every culture teach techniques (meditation, prayer) for aligning with this compassionate, observing self.

The antidote to obesity is not starvation, it’s compassion.  The opposite of being out of control isn’t being in control, but being in love–not in romance, but as in compassion.

Don’t feel compelled to replace overeating with virtuous work or exercise; instead, make a list of things you love, from watching TV to hanging out with favorite people. Nurturing touch (a pedicure, a massage, sex) is especially effective, since it triggers production of the same opioid hormones as eating.

Stop taking undue responsibility for your spouse’s and children’s feelings.

Become the Watcher.  Be kind toward your anxious self. The body is a persistent teacher, always trying to teach us acceptance:  of our bodies, our emotions, our situations. Love, in the form of kindness to ourselves, is what never fails.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share how you show compassion towards yourself no matter what.

xoxox

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xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift of elegant and timeless portraits

with a Powerful Goddess portrait session Gift Certificate:

Buy Now Button with Credit Cards

 © Sharon Birke

201 697 1947

Sharon@PowerfulGoddess.com

www.PowerfulGoddess.com

Glamour Portraits of the Goddess in Every Wife & Mother

Thicker Skin

The cause of trouble is that

the stupid are cocksure,

while the intelligent

are full of doubt.

Bertrand Russell

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“Are we allowed?” my children might wonder aloud amongst themselves and I’d get mixed feelings. Because while parental rule is far easier unchallenged, I quietly applaud when they demonstrate defiance and daring, little or no hesitation in going for what they want, and not cowering in the face of authority. Home is mere practice for life’s realities after all.

With three teens, every day is an exercise in pushing against boundaries, questioning or ignoring rules, and learning to bounce back after a “No”–all this even before considering their experience! I love that their personalities differ and how this helps them figure out whose criticism is constructive, whose is plain one upmanship.  Recognizing the types of people you can never please–usually the ones with loud and definitive opinions–eventually teaches us not to let anyone rain on our parade. That even if no one else is, we can always make the choice to take our own side.

I confess I want to pull my hair out listening to them bicker, each one absolutely certain that he or she is right. What saves me is the chuckle I get assuring them they are far too young to sound like an old, married couple.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share who/what helped you to grow thicker skin.

xoxox

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© Sharon Birke

201 697 1947

Sharon@PowerfulGoddess.com

www.PowerfulGoddess.com

Glamour Portraits of the Goddess in Every Wife & Mother

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