Between two evils,
I always choose the one I haven’t tried before.
Mae West
An excerpt from Too Good for Her Own Good by Claudia Bepko and Jo-ann Krestan:
Our fantasies are guides to our real selves. And unless we’re acting on the basis of those fantasies, chances are we’re not taking appropriate responsibility for ourselves. Unless we allow our dreams and passions to emerge, shaped by the realistic limits of our lives, we numb ourselves by being too responsible, too much a serious adult. In this state we usually become focused on acting in a parental way toward everyone else. Instead of following our dreams, we take responsibility for theirs. We feel frustrated and stuck as a result.
Many women avoid making changes or decisions because they feel they can’t bring themselves to hurt someone else. Hurting others is a reality of real relationships. We can’t be wholly involved and engaged with another person without sometimes hurting them because inevitably two people’s needs and impulses are different and conflict.
The bottom line is that unless we feel that the decisions we make are based on values that we’ve defined for ourselves, unless we feel we’re truly being responsive to our own needs and wants, our relationships are likely to suffer anyway. They’ll suffer from the underlying anger and resentment that we feel because we’re not pursuing our own goals. We can’t be genuinely responsive to others unless we’re responsible to ourselves first.
Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share how you’ve been good to yourself. Happy August!
© Sharon Birke
201 697 1947
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