Winter Blues (and Green)

Real freedom is

being able to not have my way and

still be just as happy as if I did.

Joyce Meyer

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I often hear women bemoan their choices that are different and can’t possibly measure up to those who do more or better and lean in a whole lot. What does true freedom mean if we don’t feel liberated to create a life that feels authentic to our own happiness? When we feel compelled to conform to other people’s choices and measures of success? I hear the great advantage of aging is that each passing year brings us closer to the day when we can blaze our trail (or not) without feeling inadequate, defensive or judged.

From Jennifer Senior’s All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood:

The phrase “having it all” has little to do with what women want. If anything, it’s a reflection of a widespread and misplaced cultural belief, shared by men and women alike: that we, middle class Americans, have infinite promise and it’s our obligation to exploit every ounce of it. “Having it all” is the phrase of a culture that, as Adam Phillips implies in Missing Out, is tyrannized by the idea of its own potential.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share how you have chosen to be true to your happiness.

xoxox

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xoxox

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When In Rome Again

In Italy,

they add work and life

to food and wine.

Robin Leach

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Piazza Navona on a rainy day last visit

After last year’s whirlwind mother-daughter holiday (see posts London with teen and Paris Charms with Teen,) the older brothers realized that traveling with mom need not just be an excuse to get their pesky sister out of the house.  This Spring break, Brother #1 has signed up for his turn to go on  a mother-son rendezvous.

Argentina was first choice because he’s interested in tango (and the pretty ladies that go with it,) but that’s too long a schlep from Boston for a week off. He got all excited over Iceland, but I refuse to  be any place colder in March. Where can he hop on an easy flight to get to relatively mild weather, see art, architecture, and engineering marvels everywhere he turns, while avoiding hordes of tourists? Why, Rome in March, of course!

Audio tours

Before you even start packing, let celebrity guide Rick Steves’ audio tours stoke your imagination and enthusiasm.

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A few fun things to do in Rome after you’ve covered the basics:

Rent a Ferrari

This IS Italy! Why not?

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photo by Conde Nast Traveler

Ostia Antica

Also known as “The better Pompeii,” Ostia Antica is only 30 minutes North of the Colosseum, compared to Pompeii’s 4 hours South. This used to be the bustling commercial port of Rome when the Romans controlled the Mediterranean. Wandering around the ruins today, you’ll see well-preserved remains of ancient brick structures from docks, bakeries, warehouses, apartments, mansions, shopping arcades, baths and sculptures–a peek at Roman lifestyles 2,000 years ago.

And if your travel companions are allergic to museums, a couple of light and lovely options are:

Palazzo Doria Pamphilj

This private mansion off the Piazza Venezia on Via del Corso is also a museum open to the public. An easy walk from the Colosseum past the Typewriter building (aka The Wedding Cake or Il Vittoriano Monument.) I love its rich interiors and their mini version of Versailles’ “Hall of Mirrors.” Listen to the audio guide recorded by a family member of the Doria Pamphilj as you walk through the elegant rooms and art filled halls, pay the extra 5 Euros to tour their more private apartments. Caffe Doria breaks the museum standard fare with its delicious and generous portions for lunch and tea/coffee in old world charm.

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photo by Palazzo Doria Pamphilj

Galleria Borghese

Hike up to this mansion of Cardinal Borhese that is now a small museum for lovers of classical paintings and sculpture. Make advance tour reservations, leave your handbag home to avoid one more queue to check it, get there early before the crowds, and take your sweet time  with their audio guide that is not shy about describing  the underhanded ways that wealth and treasures get acquired. Afterwards, you can stroll through the gardens or rent a bicycle wagon in the park surrounding the property.

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photo from Google Images

The Galleria Borghese is an easy walk down to Piazza del Popolo with its ancient obelisk and open square. Plenty of restaurant choices along the way as you head down Via del Babuino to the Spanish steps.

Galleria del Cembalo

Between the Spanish steps and the Tiber River at a wing of the Palazzo Borghese, fans of photography can admire exhibits in rooms with ornate high ceilings.

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Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) for your Rome travel tips.

xoxox

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The New Leaf

This 2016, I resolve to 

accomplish my resolution of 2015

that I made in 2014.

Anurag Prakash Ray

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A delicious new year of possibilities and beginnings, Everyone! Another golden opportunity to see ourselves with more gentle kindness and greater love. What brave adventures will you say YES to in 2016?

In an era when looking younger than our age is the ideal, Carre Otis shares her journey of self acceptance as role model to her young daughters in A Sisterhood of Inner Beauty (on Huffington Post:)

I’ve learned to surround myself with women who lift me up and leave me feeling nurtured rather than drained. I’ve learned to watch my words, too, particularly around my daughters — two of my greatest teachers — doing my best not to gossip about other women or even myself. If they were to hear me put some of those seemingly automatic thoughts on loudspeaker, such as, “I look bad today… Look at those bags under my eyes…” I now understand that it would impact them in a profoundly unhealthy way. Just as young people absorb all kinds of messages from the media, young girls learn what it means to be a woman by watching the older women in their lives.

I’m proud that today, at 43 years old, I’ve come to value the aging process and anticipate growing older with a sense of excitement. I want my daughters to see their mother fearlessly and gracefully claiming her body, her voice and her years. Easier said than done, of course. For me, it’s required discipline: Just as I’m careful about what my daughters are exposed to, I avoid magazines that critique what female celebrities are wearing, what they’re buying and what they look like. I skip right past channels that exploit “cat fights” or reality shows. And I’ve learned to walk away from any real-life judgmental conversations about women. They bring me down. They bring us all down.

And Goddess knows how powerful we can be when we feel good about ourselves! I wish you a most magical year of reveling in your womanhood at any age. Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share what new possibilities thrill you.

xoxox

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xoxox

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of elegant and timeless portraits

with  a Powerful Goddess portrait session Gift Certificate:

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201 697 1947

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Eat Your Heart Out

 

 

I never worry about diets.

The only carrots that interest me

are the numbers on a diamond.

Mae West

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To eat, drink, and truly be merry through the holidays, can we please skirt the topic of weight, workouts and diets at festivities? I do my best by walking away or staying mum when this very popular ho-hum subject comes up. What could happen in 2016 if you chuck the weighing scale, keep active in whatever way is fun for you and just listen to your body–eat natural fresh food when you’re hungry and stop when you’re full?

From Courtney Martin’s book Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: The Frightening New Normalcy of Hating Your Body:

Sex and food are the two most loaded issues of our time, the Pandora’s box of our culture, universal and forbidden simultaneously. We even use the same language when it comes to both: temptation, pleasure, crave. Just as we are surrounded by advertisements for food that we “shouldn’t” eat, invited to indulge because we deserve it, we are told, in the next thirty-second spot, that we should get back to the gym if we want to work off some guilt and make ourselves worthy of a bikini this summer. Sexual images are all around us, and pornography inaccessible at the touch of a button, but any teenage girl who wants to protect her reputation must exercise absolute restraint, wait for a committed relationship to explore her sexuality, and keep quiet about masturbation.

How can anyone, under these conditions, be expected to know her true desire? How can anyone navigate the dangerous terrain of reputation and expectation on the road toward her authentic sexuality? How can a woman excited about life emerge without hating the body that leads her into temptation?

After publishing The Fat Girl’s Guide to Life, Wendy Shanker traveled the nation doing readings, book signings, and talking to fans. She reflects, “The best lesson I learned touring is that eery woman, no matter how heavy or how skinny, feels fat. When you’re thin, you’re never thin enough.” When I see some hot girl saunter down the street, I used to give her a dirty look, sure that she had a perfect life. Now I know better. I know that she may look different on the outside, but inside she feels the same way I do. Now, instead of a dirty look, I throw a little mini-vibe of compassion her way.”

This is the heart of the matter: A perfect girl can rule just as tyrannically, and a starving daughter can ache just as deeply, inside a thin body. Our dissatisfaction is never, at its deepest, about our bodies. This is why fat women and thin women often experience the world in similar ways. If a thin woman feels inadequate and “thinks fat,” she may endure less hate coming from the outside in than a fat woman but just as much criticism and sadness from the inside out. If a woman of any size is able to stop her negative self-talk and accept herself, she may experience the world with a little peace of mind.

Obsessing over every little thing we put in our mouths takes away our ability to control our own thoughts, our inalienable right to feel good about ourselves regardless of the size of our thighs. It takes away our time, our pleasure, our energy, our vision, our joy. We are not our bodies. Our souls are not our stomachs. Our brains are not our butts.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share how well you’ll feed Santa at last. And have the merriest Ho-Ho-Ho!

xoxox

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xoxox

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201 697 1947

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The Art of Style

You can have

anything you want in life

if you dress for it.

Edith Head

Jacqueline-de-Ribes-by-Avedon

JDR by Richard Alvedon

Who defines your sense of style when dressing for the holidays?  A celebrity, a designer, a brand? How do you filter through the noise of advertising and social media to choose what is right for you?

Jacqueline de Ribes, 86, French socialite and muse who reinvented herself as a designer, has graciously lent a few dozen evening  gowns from her wardrobe to the Met’s Costume Institute for inspiration. She is known in Parisian society for her elegance and style despite her strong belief growing up that she wasn’t beautiful. “I wasn’t brought up in a family that told me I was beautiful–quite the opposite. I had a problem with my nose. I thought it was too big and too pointed.” Her relationship with her mother was strained, assuring her for years that she could never learn to walk like a lady.

Encouraged by Diana Vreeland to embrace her adventurous spirit, Jacqueline’s insecurity was quelled by Diana’s advice “Jacqueline, don’t be afraid. Whatever you do, just remember: Follow your instincts and you’ll never be wrong.”

The dresses can’t tell her full story though. Jacqueline had an irreverent flair for extravagantly mixing and matching pieces, piling on accessories and even splicing together garments to reflect her mood. Because she dressed to please and express herself, Jacqueline’s wardrobe has a sense of individuality, consistency, and timelessness. Her ambition for this exhibit is to inspire people to embrace the freedom and confidence of self-expression through fashion, saying “You can be elegant and chic by being yourself.”

Harold Koda, curator-in-charge at the Costume Institute sums it up, “It requires a certain discipline to say: This is what’s good for me, this is who I am, and whatever trend is out there I am only going to buy to the extent I can use it to frame the best portrait of myself.”

Of course, a little money to spare for haute couture never hurts. 😉

Jacqueline de Ribes: The Art of Style is at the Metropolitan Museum until February 21, 2016.

xoxox

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How fun to be a fanciful belle of the ball!

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Though I’m not a fan of black, I love the lace and feather detail of this velvet piece.

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A sculptural one-shouldered gown from de Ribes’ inaugural collection as a designer.

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xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift of elegant and timeless portraits

with a Powerful Goddess portrait session Gift Certificate:

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201 697 1947

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Self(ie) Love and Thanks

Wealth hasn’t changed who I am.

My feet are still on the ground.

I’m just wearing better shoes.

Oprah Winfrey

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I’ve finally figured out the recipe for the happiest of holidays! First ingredient: Delegate! For Thanksgiving, my teens made one dish each while dinner guests added their family specialty to the buffet. They swear they’d never seen a hostess so relaxed even when the turkey burned–a casualty of computer games distracting the designated chef. I suspect forgoing heels at home had more to do with my cool, for I firmly believe (and note this second ingredient!) stilettos should only be worn to bed.

Looking at the big picture of my year, I spy the third and main ingredient: while “nothing is better than more, except all,” happiness truly depends on our ability to choose gratitude. No one teaches me this as effectively as my stubborn teen who struggles with the concept daily, cringes at hugs, and abhors giving praise. I count him among my great blessings because he reminds me that nobody can take away my power to give myself the love and approval I need.

Fingers and toes run out quickly as I count the small miracles I am thankful for: The very many fun travel adventures and the people I’ve met in my journey, the authors and Powerful Goddesses who have generously shared their wisdom and beauty on this blog, my firstborn thriving at college, he and his sister falling in love with the fun of ballroom dancing, the other son determined to do well on his SAT, the darling husband happy at work, this blog’s fans who always add inspiration and cheerful comments, family and friends who bring laughter and sunshine to our lives, excellent health, teachers who expand our understanding, acceptance and appreciation for who we are, all that what we’ve got, and what we can choose to be.

How about you?  Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share your small miracles.

xoxox

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xoxox

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Beauty and the Duck Face

Be like a duck:

Calm on the surface, but

paddling like the dickens underneath.

Michael Cain

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What felt like a mini-vacation within my my week in Barcelona was a day trip to see all things Dali: his museum in Figueres, lunch at his hometown of Cadaques, and a peek inside his beach house in Port Ligat. The scenery outside Salvador Dali’s window allegedly  inspired the landscape in The Persistence of Memoryhis most iconic painting from 1931 when he developed his paranoiac-critical method entering a meditative state of self-induced psychotic hallucinations to create what he called hand-painted dream photographs.

Surrealism, Salvador Dali, and modern art in general can be too curious for some people, in the same way that the phenomenon of the duck face intrigues me.

By sucking in the cheeks and pushing out the lips to make them appear fuller, the cheekbones appear more prominent and the eyes wider. This contorts the face in line with the popular standards of feminine beauty. It is a caricature of a singular type of beauty that many of us can only dream of looking like. I’d turn blue sucking in my cheeks without a hint of cheekbone ever showing.

The fans of the duck face obviously like what they see, reveling in  their power to change the architecture of what they can control: their face. Those who sit on the other side of the duck pond might consider what I admire in Dali and modern artists: The freedom of artistic expression trouncing all paranoid critics. At the end of the day, he or she who has the most fun, wins!

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share how a duck face looks on you.

xoxox

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xoxox

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201 697 1947

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Barcelona Travel Guide

Kilometers are shorter than miles.

Save gas–

take your next trip in kilometers.

George Carlin

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The roof of Gaudi’s Casa Batillo

I usually say I prefer to feed my eyes before my stomach, but as I’m packing for Barcelona, I realize that I may not have to choose one over the other in this city. I love the genius of Antoni Gaudi‘s unique yet practical architecture, intrigued by the twists of Dali’s surreal art, and ready to feast on a wide variety of tapas. Here’s what I’ve got lined up:

Stay at Hotel El Palace Barcelona, where else for Goddesses?

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Barcelona Day Tours for a welcome overview of the city and a side trip to Montserrat for wine tasting.

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Catch a Flamenco performance at Gaudi’s jewel box theater El Palau de la Musica. Take a tour of the theater during the day when the sunlight makes the stained glass windows sparkle.

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Stained glass at Gaudi’s Palau de la Musica Catalana

Join a bike Tour with Excursions Barcelona and pay a little extra for the convenience of an electric bike. They offer a free walking tour downtown starting at Plaza Catalunya at 11:00 am each day.

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Barcelona Architecture Walks gives you a range of itineraries depending on your style of buildings. This fish sculpture is Frank Gehry’s.

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If you’re into city views, the Cathedral de Barcelona has an elevator that takes you to the roof for better views than at the Sagrada Familia.

For a change of scenery, Spanish Trails is another popular option to take you out for the day to see Surreal Cadaques and All Things Dali, including a drive along the shores of the Costa Brava.

Salvador Dali surreal art painting

Surreal art by Salvador Dali

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share your Barcelona travel tips. Ole!

All photos from Google Images

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift of elegant and timeless portraits

with a Powerful Goddess portrait session Gift Certificate:

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Sharon Birke

201 697 1947

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Alice In Wonderland

 

 

Everything in the world

is about sex except sex.

Sex is about power.

Oscar Wilde

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Scarier than zombies, ghouls and witches, my Halloween thoughts wander down the rabbit hole of sexuality having three know-it-all teens curious about tricks and treats. Excerpts from Deborah L. Spar’s Wonder Women: Sex, Power and the Quest for Perfection:

Until the shift in social norms that Helen Gurley Brown captured and Erica Jong brought to conclusion, women were still bound by the contractual nature of courtship: sex in exchange for a husband/protector, two cows or true love.

Women may lead themselves to believe that now that they can have casual sex, they are truly playing the same game as men. In theory, hooking up means men are now commodified as easily as women. In practice, though, it also means women are no longer in a position to ask for anything but sex in exchange for sex–not marriage, not a date, not even a phone call the next morning or a ride home.

Unless women actually enjoy casual sex, they may have struck a deal that works against their own best interests.  Women may like sex as much as men. They may want it as frequently and in the same infinity of permutations. But the link between sex and relationship is stronger for women, as is the social penalty for promiscuity.

Ultimately, the question is whether women truly enjoy the freedom of uncommitted sex.  Are women equally content to give and get sex for nothing, or have they given men what men want (easy and cheap sex) without getting much in return?

The widespread embrace of the hooking-up norm may be one of womankind’s greatest gift to men: No real commitment. No real feelings required. This is like a man’s paradise!

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share what you have gained in pursuit of this liberty.

xoxox

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xoxox

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Trick or Tweets

Women are meant

to be loved,

not understood.

Oscar Wilde

Early trick or treat to you!  Because funny is my favorite sweet (no worries re calories!), here’s a basket of witty women tweets:

@SaraJBenincasa-funny-tweets-PowerfulGoddess

@AkilahObviously-funny-tweets-PowerfulGoddess

@shariv67-funny-tweets-PowerfulGoddess

@CurlyComedy-funny-tweets-PowerfulGoddess

@jewfacekilla-funny-tweets-PowerfulGoddess

@zblay-funny-tweets-PowerfulGoddess

@SCbchbum-funny-tweets-PowerfulGoddess

@MariyaAlexander-funny-tweets-PowerfulGoddess

@OneFunnyMommy-funny-tweets-PowerfulGoddess

@Carbosly-Funny-Tweets-Powerful-Goddess

@aparnapkin-funny-tweets-PowerfulGoddess

@CatherineLMK-funny-tweets-PowerfulGoddess

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to add yours!

 

xoxox

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Passion Project

It’s not true that

I had nothing on.

I had the radio on.

Marilyn Monroe

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How do you sustain passion over the course of a long relationship? Is it possible to reinvent your sex life?  Can you bring excitement, lust, and desire back after the sizzle fizzles?

On October 28th, Wednesday, 7pm, the French Institute Alliance Francaise (FIAF at 22 East 60th Street, NYC  212 355 6100) brings together the authors of two books recently featured on this blog.   Emily Nagoski, author of Come As You Are: New Science that Will Transform your Sex Life and Robin Rinaldi, author of The Wild Oats Project: One Woman’s Midlife Quest for Passion at Any Cost will be discussing their relationship  experiences, joined by Ian Kerner, CNN Health sex and relationship expert. Moderated by Dr. Sari Locker, sex educator, psychologist, and professor at Columbia University. Add your own two cents to the conversation and get a book or two signed.

FIAF’s The Art of Sex and Seduction series of talks is curated by writer and journalist Erica Lumière.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share how you rekindle your own inner spark.

xoxox

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xoxox

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Big Magic

I can always be distracted

by love, but eventually

I get horny for my creativity.

Gilda Radner

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I must have dozed off reading “Eat, Pray…” because I never did find out what happened in the “Love” part of Elizabeth Gilbert’s runaway bestseller. Her  “Big Magic” book, however, captivated me to the very end.

Watch this TED talk on Your Elusive Creative Genius for an excerpt on the wisdom of recognizing that we are not necessarily the source, but mere channels of genius. By finding the discipline to consistently set aside time to show up for our work or art, we give ourselves the best chance of catching our genius or muse when it is in the mood to play.

To have a successful and lasting relationship with our creativity, Elizabeth explains how we must give up requiring it to pay the bills (and soon,) that we should always find whatever work is necessary to support it, and consistently make time to attend to it–if only to help us keep our sanity and zest for living. A bit more “Big Magic” excerpt:

Fierce trust demands that you put forth the work anyhow. Fierce trust knows that the outcome does not matter.

The outcome cannot matter.

Fierce trust asks you to stand strong within this truth:

You are worthy, dear one, regardless of the outcome. You will keep making your work regardless of the outcome. You will keep sharing your work, regardless of the outcome. You were born to create, regardless of the outcome. You will never lose trust in the creative process, even when you don’t understand the outcome.

There is a famous question that shows up, it seems, in every single self-help book ever written: What would you do if you knew that you could not fail?

But I’ve always seen it differently. I think the fiercest question of all is this: What would you do even if you knew that you might very well fail?

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share what you love doing so much that the words failure and success essentially are irrelevant.

xoxox

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A Fork In The Road

If you are

going through hell,

keep going.

Winston Churchill

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The other day, a woman asked me what I thought she should do about her marriage. She has felt sexually numb the last few years to the point of nausea when her husband is in the house–a bit of an inconvenience when two people have to work from home.  He thinks a trip to a sex therapist will “fix” her, for it is obvious to him that she is the problem. What man in his righteous mind will admit the possibility that his wife’s coldness, illness, or depression might be self-protection, the fruit of anger and built-up resentments?

But I’m getting carried away…

To be fair, who knows what really goes on behind closed doors? Does she really want to do something about her situation or does she just need to be heard? Is the problem she identifies the root of it all or a symptom of something else?

Discussing a problem with others helps us deal with it (eventually.) As consultant, it is tempting to say, “If I were you…” though much as we try, we can never really be them. While it’s easy to find similarities with our own experiences, any resemblance may be superficial and an analogy may not have legs.

Providing a range of scenarios and possible outcomes may be more useful than definitives that begin with “Do this” or “Don’t do that.” Time and thought are needed to weigh decisions against several dimensions and the personalities involved.

The first step in giving good advice is:

Do not give advice. Just listen.

Giving good advice need not necessarily mean solving a problem. It could be about making the situation easier to understand, shedding light and encouraging the exploration of different points of view.

Trust that they will arrive at the best answer for themselves in their own good time. Be comfortable with the silence and the not knowing. Affirm them with, “I can’t wait to find out what you decide!”

Every success and every failure changes states when perceived in the short versus the long term. While we might wish someone would simply rescue us when we’re feeling lost in the forest, this is the process we need to grow spine and courage, to find the light within us to illuminate the path, to make our own choice which fork in the road to take. No matter the journey, one great comfort is the certainty that all paths always, always lead us home to ourselves.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share how indecision eventually led you to clarity.

xoxox

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xoxox

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Keira Knightley on Broadway

To be well dressed

you must be

well naked.

Oscar de la Renta

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In Pride and Prejudice

I have a weakness for costume–the more romantic and dramatic, the better. Double that weakness when it’s combined with beauty and triple the fascination when there’s courage to do without it.

Keira Knightley, whose coming of age has been sumptuously chronicled in movies like Jane Austen’s Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice and the tragic Anna Karenina, now dares herself to grow further by facing her fear of live theater. On October 1st, 2015, Keira debuts on Broadway in Roundabout’s Theater Company’s Therese Raquin

With exemplary fearlessness for a photo shoot with Patrick Demarchelier for Interview Magazine, Keira agreed to pose topless under one condition:  the image could not be altered or edited in any way.  She said, “I’m fine doing the topless shot so long as you don’t make them any bigger or retouch. Because it does feel important to say it really doesn’t matter what shape you are,'” the actress said. What greater romance can there be than loving what you’ve got?

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share the courage of a woman you admire.

xoxox

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In Pride and Prejudice

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As Anna Karenina

Keira Knightley stars as Anna

As Anna Karenina

Keira-Knightley-Patrick-Demarchelier

by Patrick Demarchelier

xoxox

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Thinner Peace

I want to weigh less,

not by diet and exercise,

but by acquiring a faulty scale.

Jarod Kintz

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Now that both men and women (and, by osmosis, our children) stand firmly united in obsessing about weight, how about a new way of thinking to start the schoolyear? A visualization from Martha Beck on how to keep that weight off for good:

Hold out both your palms. Imagine on one hand a mini-version of your Dictator, that part of you that insists on losing weight, screaming insults that make you feel fat.  On the other hand, see a mini-version of your Wild Child, the kid who’s tired, afraid and frightened from being continually assaulted by the Dictator’s attacks and privations. Notice that both mini-yous are essentially good. The Dictators get frantic when you gain weight just as you would if you saw a toddler wandering into traffic. It screams and yells, pushes and forces, because it’s trying to save you from a terrible, fat fate.  And your Wild child isn’t remotely malicious, just devastated, confused, and afraid.

Realize that both the Wild Child and the Dictator deserve compassion. Offer it to them by saying this:

You are well.

You are blessed.

You are free.

The wisdom traditions of every culture teach techniques (meditation, prayer) for aligning with this compassionate, observing self.

The antidote to obesity is not starvation, it’s compassion.  The opposite of being out of control isn’t being in control, but being in love–not in romance, but as in compassion.

Don’t feel compelled to replace overeating with virtuous work or exercise; instead, make a list of things you love, from watching TV to hanging out with favorite people. Nurturing touch (a pedicure, a massage, sex) is especially effective, since it triggers production of the same opioid hormones as eating.

Stop taking undue responsibility for your spouse’s and children’s feelings.

Become the Watcher.  Be kind toward your anxious self. The body is a persistent teacher, always trying to teach us acceptance:  of our bodies, our emotions, our situations. Love, in the form of kindness to ourselves, is what never fails.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share how you show compassion towards yourself no matter what.

xoxox

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xoxox

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China at the Met

Be not afraid of growing slowly.

Be afraid only 

of standing still.

Chinese proverb

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Couture inspired by Anna May Wong’s costumes in her Hollywood classics. Among my favorite pieces is this very easy to wear hot number with seductive tassels as shoulder straps and as a dramatic train sweeping the floor.

If you’re near Manhattan this weekend, get to the Metropolitan Museum early (or very late to avoid the crowds) and catch the end of their hit exhibit China: Through The Looking Glass.  Attracting more foot traffic that the Alexander McQueen exhibit a couple of years ago and even more than their King Tut exhibit in 1979, this latest feature of the Anna Wintour Costume Institute is a collection of haute couture influences flowing East to West and vice versa.

China as a collective fantasy began when it was still beyond the reach of most Western travelers. Chinoiserie by the best artisans, creatives and film makers have since perpetuated the myth of this land as one of wealth. elegance, mystery and romance. Sample the best of the best at the Met on its last weekend of display.  Museum hours extend until midnight this Friday and Saturday (September 4 and 5, 2015) and this exhibit closes on Monday, September 7th.

Dragon dress inspired by an imperial robe, John Galliano for the House of Dior

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Intricate embroidery and silk are among my favorite things!

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In the China Pavilion, a collection of John Galliano pieces for the House of Dior

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Haute couture in a forest reminiscent of the bamboo scene of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

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A lotus flower ballgown by a Chinese designer

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Mao and Chinese calligraphy as design elements

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The Weight of the Millennium artwork made of porcelain shards by Li Xiaofeng 2015

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Glamour couture inspired by designs on Manchu robes

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Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share what country captivates you best.

xoxox

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with a Powerful Goddess portrait session Gift Certificate:

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 Sharon Birke

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Taking Chances

To keep your marriage brimming with love,

whenever you’re wrong, admit it;

whenever you’re right, shut up.

Ogden Nash

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Honey and I just got back from our very first honeymoon A.C. (after children) in Puerto Rico–sandy beaches, salsa dancing, and casinos that remind us of how lucky we’ve been betting on each other a lifetime ago and luckier still that we have learned to reshuffle our hand to make the most of the cards life dealt us since.

Like this Powerful Goddess, I did wear white. Not so much to conjure the days of innocence, but for the simple reason that white complements a good tan best. 😉

Lucky we did not swear NOT to talk about the kids during our time alone–impossible with Puerto Ricans who are big on family culture. Seeing young couples with toddlers and their oversized strollers did make us sigh with relief that we can travel far lighter lately.

We flew home in time for the second marriage of my husband’s college buddy. Having witnessed the dissolution of his first, we were thrilled to see him taking another chance with a woman who brings out his playful side. We sat among the witnesses, silently thankful that our own marriage has endured, shuddering at the thought of possibly having uttered the word “obey” at my own wedding?!!!

Esther Perel says all of us do marry a second or third time, though some of us do so with the same person in our personal evolutions. Her TED Talk on The Secret to Desire in a Long-term Relationship asks “Can we want what we already have (for toooo long)?” Now there’s a question where “I do” is a most meaningful answer.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share how you have been lucky to bet on the same person a second or third time. A toast to the courageous!

xoxox

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xoxox

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Myanmar Meander (Part II: Mandalay, Kalaw and Inle Lake)

Travel far enough,

you meet yourself.

David Mitchell

Too many fun things keep popping up that kept me from getting to this sequel sooner.  I’m off on another trip this week, always compelled to follow where joy leads me.  This summer has been particularly full of fun firsts. This year literally started on the right elephant’s foot!

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In the mountains of Kalaw, all is green, peace and quiet except for my occasional shrieks while on a  bareback elephant ride at Green Hill Valley Elephant Camp. Green Hill is a sanctuary for retired elephants (even their vet is a retiree) that also promotes reforestation with its tourism program. You get to feed and pet the elephants at their hut then scrub their thick hide as they soak in the river. And don’t you worry, riding them bareback is optional–only for the brave or the reckless. 😉

Selfie or not? Even the monks do it. At the U-Bein Bridge, the longest teakwood bridge in the world built in 1850 and still holding up to foot traffic.

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Mandalay, the last royal capital of the former Burma, has a romantic name that sounds infinitely more beautiful than its downtown area. The best parts of it are the hills dotted with stupas and temples and the sight of monks–men in burgundy robes, women in pink, all with shaved heads.

Mandalay is known as Motorcycle City among locals. I’ll remember it more for vans with passenger doors that open to oncoming traffic.

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The Shwenandaw Monastery, a glorious example of traditional 19th century wooden monasteries, is made of intricately carved teak.  Originally part of the Royal Palace in Amarapura, this building is also a fine example of recycling, dismantled and transported to Mandalay as the King’s living quarters when the capital city was moved in 1857, then moved a second time outside the Royal Palace grounds when his son succeeded the throne.

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In remote villages, life seems to have gone on largely unchanged for the past 2,500 years: peasants, oxcarts, the same kinds of food and clothes. The same pagodas covered in gold in the richer towns or merely painted in the poor ones. Cellphones are quickly becoming ubiquitous though.

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I bought a farmer’s umbrella not quite the size of this red giant, but ingeniously made completely of handmade paper and bamboo moving parts.

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There are 500,000 monks and 150,000 nuns in Myanmar—which is to say that a significant percent of the country aspire to follow the Buddha’s path. Most boys spend some years as monks before returning to their families. I met a couple of women who chose to join an order after they had already finished college and had worked on a career.

Busloads of tourists certainly don’t make studying easy for this little monk.

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As a tourist, you pick up some Buddhism along the way, getting a better understanding of the variety in religious structures. The pagoda or stupa (or zedi) is a solid structure with no interior that often contains a relic. A temple is a hollow square building. A cave serves as a meditation center for monks. The ordination hall is for exactly that. The monastery is the monks’ residence. The library is where scriptures of the Buddha are kept.

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Mornings in Myanmar often find bewitching mists hovering in the valleys and lakes.

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Inle Lake, in central Myanmar, is the region where locals  live on wooden houses on stilts, farm on floating patches of soil, bathe, brush their teeth,, do their laundry, commute, etc… all in the same water.  My fellow travelers asked our guide, “Where does the sewage go?” She doesn’t look us in the eye when she answered, “Septic tanks.”

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Aside from farming on floating patches of muck that are held in place by bamboo poles, industry in the lake includes boat making, weaving silk and lotus fiber, tobacco rolling, silver making, iron work, religious traffic, etc. A big gash in the mountainsides for new hotels represents the government’s ambition for a stronger surge of tourism. How will the lake’s ecosystem support such deluge? Beats me!

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Stay at a lake front room of the Inle Resort or catch the sunset from their boat landing. The spa is absolutely stunning here!

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Inle Lake fishermen are an iconic sight standing at one end of their boats, gracefully paddling with just one leg to keep one hand free for the net and the other for the spear.

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The beauty of Myanmar is in considerable part a consequence of its inaccessibility. Get there before it becomes more mainstream and lose its unique charms. Best month to catch a tour group is February.

Moi in their traditional wrap.

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Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to add your exotic travel tips.

xoxox

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 Sharon Birke

201 697 1947

Sharon@PowerfulGoddess.com

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Come As You Are

Women who love themselves 

are threatening; men who love

real women, more so.

Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth

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Excerpts from Dr. Emily Nagoski, PhD’s new release Come As You Are:

A woman’s body and her pleasure belong to her and no one else. It’s possible to say no to intercourse without saying no to all the other things that come with it–the love, the affection, the pleasure, the play. Your own internal experience is a legitimate guide for whether or not you want to try something.

Exposure to media that reinforces body self-criticism increases body dissatisfaction, negative mood, low-self-esteem, and eating disorders. If there were a food that consistently made you sick, you’d stop eating it. So if there’s media that makes you feel more self-critical, stop looking at it.

Pay attention to how magazines, TV shows, and music videos make you feel, and stop buying what makes you feel worse. If it makes you feels worse, it’s likely to interfere with your sexual wellbeing. Even if you’ve been taught to believe that feeling worse about your body “motivates” you to “improve,” that’s a psychological trap you never need to be caught in again.

To stop watering these weeds in your mind:

Take off all your clothes–or as many as you can bring yourself to take off–and look at your entire body in a mirror. Make a list of everything you see that you like.

Of course, your brain will first be filled with all the self-criticism and disgust you’ve been holding on to all these years. Remind yourself that the day you were born, your body was a cause for celebration, for love without condition, and that’s just as true today as it was then.

Do this over and over again. Practice acknowledging the self-critical, judgmental thoughts yet focusing on the self-appreciating thoughts. Celebrate your body as it deserves to be celebrated. Treat it with the respect and affection it deserves. Never say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to your best friend or daughter.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share what helps you be grateful for the beauty that you are.

xoxox

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xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift of elegant and timeless portraits

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 Sharon Birke

201 697 1947

Sharon@PowerfulGoddess.com

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At the Cooper Hewitt Design Museum

You can’t connect the dots looking forward.

You can only connect them looking backwards.

So trust that your dots will connect in the future.

Steve Jobs

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Benker & Steiner 1996 poster on the beleaguered patriarch

What museum allows you to photograph and assemble a webpage of your favorites among their exhibits? Encourages interactive fun for design inspiration? Has the stairs of a London Bus wedged into a mansion’s grand staircase?  New York City’s Cooper Hewitt checks “Yes” to all these and more! Even my difficult-to-please teen says he’ll save his ticket stub to remember our visit. Next time the heat gets unbearable this summer, hit this cool destination with your favorite young adults!

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share your fun family ideas in/around NYC this summer.

xoxox

In the mood to design a hat, a chair, a building? Possibilities can be endless here…

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Extrusions 2009 by Heatherwick Design Studios.

A metal bench inspired by the toothpaste you squeeze out of a tube.

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My kind of grand staircase model, but, boy, would I hate forgetting something in my bedroom upstairs!

NYC-Cooper-Hewitt-museum-grand-staircase-design-Sharon-Birke

An artwork from the more glamorous days of luggage airline tags.

NYC-Cooper-Hewitt-museum-travel-poster-design-museum-Sharon-Birke

A functional chair that lets you spin like a top.

NYC-Cooper-Hewitt-museum-spin-chair-design-Sharon-Birke

Next two photos, a dress that folds itself neatly soon as you drop it onto the floor. Every mom’s dream!

NYC-Cooper-Hewitt-museum-folded-square-dress-Sharon-Birke

NYC-Cooper-Hewitt-museum-folding-dress-design-Sharon-Birke

Did I say we love the Cooper Hewitt?

Go on weekdays to enjoy the “Immersion Room” for more than the 5 minutes you’re allowed when there’s a crowd. Draw a single object and the projector will multiply it across two walls. Lucky my teen was game to plaster himself amidst his heart pattern.

I-love-NYC-Cooper-Hewitt-design-museum-Sharon-Birke

See my collection of Cooper Hewitt exhibit favorites at

http://cprhw.tt/v/n42f

Happy Summer!

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift of elegant and timeless portraits

with a Powerful Goddess portrait session Gift Certificate:

Buy Now Button with Credit Cards

 Sharon Birke

201 697 1947

Sharon@PowerfulGoddess.com

www.PowerfulGoddess.com

Glamour Portraits of the Goddess in Every Wife & Mother

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