Boudoir Photography | Powerful Goddess Portraits

The Man Named Slim

15 Oct 2016 2 Comments

by Powerful Goddess Portraits by Sharon Birke of DoubleSmart LLC in Boudoir Photography, Glamour Portraits, Iconic Portraits Tags: getty images, Iconic portraits, iconic women, Slim Aarons

Never give a woman

anything she can’t

wear in the evening.

Oscar Wilde

Slim Aarons wasn’t born photographing beautiful people. He started as a combat photographer during World War II. After years of witnessing death and destruction first hand, he vowed to live on the sunny side of the street and determined that his mission would only be to photograph “attractive people in attractive places doing attractive things.” Sound like my kind of life!

His first stop was the farthest from reality he could imagine getting: Hollywood. Aaron’s pictures of high society introduced the world to all sorts of gorgeous locales, deliberately standing far from his subjects so his camera captured their surroundings. He thought of himself as a photojournalist and a storyteller so his subjects are usually seen in their milieus–their gardens, offices, living room, with their books and pets. Despite all the glamour, the opulence, however, Aaron remained detached, never wanting to be a member of the jetset.

His archive (including those on this page) is now owned by Getty Images so the public could enjoy how he documented society during his time, allowing the likes of us from the reality TV generation, the relief of revisiting my favorite stylish and gracious eras. Thank you for the inspiration and lots of good fun in the sun, Slim!

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share your favorite iconic inspiration.

xoxox

Credit: Hulton|Archive by Getty Images

xoxox

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201 697 1947

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Key To The Labyrinth

05 Oct 2016 2 Comments

by Powerful Goddess Portraits by Sharon Birke of DoubleSmart LLC in Best Books for Women, Boudoir Photography, Glamour Portraits Tags: Ariadne Greek Myth, labyrinth, white lingerie, women wisdom

Getting lost is

just another way of saying

“Going exploring!”

Justina Chen

Excerpts from Sue Monk Kidd’s Dance of the Dissident Daughter:

When you’re in the middle of initiation, when your “old” womanhood is dying away, you may think you’ll be stuck in that dark place forever. You cannot see your way out. It is hard to keep moving, to put one foot in front of the other, because they are always landing on some new and unfamiliar ground, and half the time, that place is a swamp.

In a Greek myth, Ariadne gives Theseus a saving thread to drag into the labyrinth so he can find his way back out after he slays the Minotaur monster within. For a woman, the thread is the life cord that sustains you as you move through the spirals of life. Your Ariadne thread is the thread of your feminine Self.

We each have an inner destiny, one imprinted in the soul. Each of us also possesses a very goal directed energy that seeks to bring the seed of ourselves to fruition. It pulses inside use, trying to complete who we are uniquely meant to be. In science, this energy is called entelechy. This is the wise force that spins the Ariadne thread, wanting to take us toward our fulfillment as women. When you deny it or refuse to trust, refuse to pick up the thread, you feel lost, afraid, off center.

The way to find your thread again is to be still and remember who you are, to listen to your heart, your inner wisdom, as deeply as you can and then give yourself permission to follow it.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share who your best permission giver is.

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift

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201 697 1947

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Best Headshot Tips

21 Sep 2016 2 Comments

by Powerful Goddess Portraits by Sharon Birke of DoubleSmart LLC in Boudoir Photography, Glamour Portraits, Women Photography Tags: Corporate Headshots, Headshots for Women, Women in Leadership, Women's Career and Business

I always wanted to be somebody,

but now I realize

I should have been more specific.

Lily Tomlin

While I enjoy creating artsy glamour portraits the most, I have fun working with those who need headshots for their businesses and careers, too. Here’s what you need to make the most of what you’ve got for such a shoot:

Makeup You want to be recognizable the way you present yourself at work but with tweaks in consideration of the lighting situation at your photo shoot. Choose good coverage oil-free liquid foundation that is evenly applied to match your neck and chest. Apply setting powder more generously than you normally would and bring blotting paper and powder to touch up right before your shoot. Even if you want a natural look, go for heavier shades on the lips and especially on the eyes and eyebrows because (artificial) lighting tends to wash out features. Use black mascara that does not clump or smear. If wearing false lashes, choose the kind that looks natural with uneven lengths. Wax eyebrows a day or two before and darken them for the photo shoot. It’s all about the eyes! And shall I say it? Avoid (fake) tans.

If makeup is not among your strong talents, invest in a professional artist that, ideally, you’ve tried and liked before.

Hair Clean and styled your best. A headshot photo shoot is NOT the occasion to experiment with a new cut or color. Retouch (roots) a day or two before and schedule a maintenance haircut or color a week prior. While matte is what you want for your face, shine is what you need for your hair. There’s a selection of hair shine sprays for women at your local drugstore like Biosilk spray. For my own wash and wear hairstyle, I just rub my palms with less than a quarter size drop of oil and run them through my hair while damp.

Nails Clean nails and if wearing polish, choose clear, french manicure or pale neutrals so they don’t distract from your beauty.

What to wear Choose outfits in solid colors for a classic look. Regardless of your size, shape, and how you feel about your body, form fitting is the most flattering. Highlight your best features and cover what you’d rather not show. Avoid distracting patterns and too much cleavage. V necks and long sleeves are flattering in general. If you’re an artist who needs to be quirky, express yourself through a single piece of bold jewelry. Skin tones in the olive, brown, to dark shades are better flattered by pale or bright shades of the colors you like. To be clear, dark outfits look better on pale skin. Picking from my client’s favorite wardrobe selections is one of my small pleasures.

Accessories You want people to notice your face so keep jewelry simple and stick to one statement piece or none at all. Best to wear a piece that can be your “signature” to give your client/prospects something to distinguish you from your peers in your industry.

Take care of yourself in the week before your headshot: Drink plenty of water, get enough sleep, avoid alcohol and smoking, and give your reflection in the mirror kind compliments daily. All these habits help relax lines and wrinkles, undereye circles, and make you glow. Get extra sleep the night before your photo shoot so you’re energized and perky in the morning.

I like to keep lighting bright, soft, and even to fill shadows and smoothen wrinkles. Daylight by a window is most flattering for women and on gray rainy days or windowless rooms, continuous lights are kinder than flash. As I photograph, I ask for the woman’s “best side” and keep a conversation to draw out her personality. Have fun with yourself and enjoy the experience! Angling the head, posture, as well as getting a twinkle in her eyes all help in capturing a woman’s unique best.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to add your bright ideas to this list.

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift

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Managing Member, DoubleSmart LLC

201 697 1947

Sharon@PowerfulGoddess.com

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Glamour Portraits of the Goddess in Every Woman

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Like My Father Always Said

14 Jun 2016 2 Comments

by Powerful Goddess Portraits by Sharon Birke of DoubleSmart LLC in Boudoir Photography, Glamour Portraits, Women's Empowerment Tags: Father's Day, Father's day unique gift ideas, funny quotes

Be good

be careful.

Dominic, father of Michele

My favorites from Erin McHugh’s Like My Father Always Said, a collection of memorable quotes and gruff advice, sweet wisdom, and half-baked instructions on how to fix your life:

What other people think of you is none of your business.

You can have as much freedom as you can pay for.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second rat gets the cheese.

Perfect is the enemy of good.

The moment you think you want to change someone you love, dump ’em. You don’t like them for the right reasons and they won’t change anyway.

Never marry for money. Just hang out with a lot of rich people and fall in love.

Learn at least one new thing everyday.

Don’t let your mouth write a check your ass can’t cash.

The squeaky wheel gets replaced.

Before you speak ask yourself: Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?

The only bad mistake is one you stick by.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share your favorite man’s memorable quip.

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift

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with a Powerful Goddess portrait session Gift Certificate:

Managing Member, DoubleSmart LLC

201 697 1947

Sharon@PowerfulGoddess.com

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Glamour Portraits of the Goddess in Every Woman

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If You Lean In…

24 May 2016 3 Comments

by Powerful Goddess Portraits by Sharon Birke of DoubleSmart LLC in Boudoir Photography, Glamour Portraits, Women's Empowerment Tags: funny inspiring women, Gina Barreca If You Lean In Will Men Just Look Down Your Blouse?, orange gown, Sheryl Sandberg Lean In, women courage quote

Women who seek

to be equal with men

lack ambition.

Timothy Leary

I dare you to keep a straight face after reading this title of Gina Barreca‘s compilation of musings on life, love, and work:

If You Lean In, Will Men Just Look Down Your Blouse?

She makes her point in this excerpt:

I asked a woman, “What did you think about Sheryl Sandberg‘s Lean In?”

“At my job, if I lean in, guys just look down my blouse.”

For many of us, reading about wildly high-profile women is a form of masochism. It’s like tearing off our cuticles. We turn pages and wonder, “Why can’t I be more like her?” Then we think what we could have done better.

If only we’d been more focused as teenagers. (That probably would have been possible.) And if only we’d done our senior thesis at Harvard with Larry Summers, who’d have coached us to get our MBA at Harvard and then hired us at twenty-nine to become chief of staff at the Treasury Department. (Maybe slightly less possible.) I’m just saying that not everybody has access to the same playing field as Sandberg and that point needs to be recognized.

Until every woman has access to employment at wages equal to her male colleagues, until women are not told, as Microsoft CEO Sarya Nadella announced at the Grace Hopper Celebration of Women in Computing, that women should “trust the system” and rely on “karma” to reward them financially without asking for raises (as if that’s worked really well up to now), and until every child has a stable secure home, everything else sidesteps the real issue of equity.

I am grateful to this Powerful Goddess for her inspiration to brave new beginnings and define her own success. Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share who holds the key to yours.

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift

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201 697 1947

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The Perfect Mother

04 May 2016 4 Comments

by Powerful Goddess Portraits by Sharon Birke of DoubleSmart LLC in Best Books for Women, Boudoir Photography, Fine Art Nude, Glamour Portraits, Women's Empowerment Tags: A Thousand Names for Joy book, Best Books for Women, Byron Katie The Work, peacock feather fan, romantic vintage lingerie

My mother’s menu

consisted of two choices:

Take it or leave it.

Buddy Hackett

This Powerful Goddess has fond memories of growing up inheriting her mother’s good looks, sunshiny personality and a romantic vintage trousseau. May we all be so blessed! For those whose gifts from their mothers did not initially appear this lovely, an excerpt from Byron Katie‘s A Thousand Names for Joy:

When my daughter attended her first of my workshops with a large group of therapists present, she was working on “the mother from hell”–which was how she had experienced me as she was growing up. She couldn’t bear to look at me as she was doing her Work; it was hard for her even to hear the sound of my voice. I was the root of her problem, she thought, and I was also her salvation; she had to ask the monster for help, which made her furious. At a certain moment she became very passionate and got right in my face saying I should have mothered her differently. I said, “That’s not my job. Mother yourself, Honey. You be the mother you always wanted.” Later she told me that that was the greatest gift I ever gave her. It turned out to be her freedom. I know the privilege of mothering myself. It’s hopeless to see it as anyone else’s job. Here’s what I’ve told all my children: “You have the perfect mother. I’m responsible for all your problems, and you’re responsible for the solutions.”

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share how you’ve been a good mother to yourself. And have the happiest one yet!

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift

of elegant and timeless portraits

with a Powerful Goddess portrait session Gift Certificate:

Sharon Birke

Managing Member, DoubleSmart LLC

201 697 1947

Sharon@PowerfulGoddess.com

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Best Coffee Blogs

03 Apr 2016 2 Comments

by Powerful Goddess Portraits by Sharon Birke of DoubleSmart LLC in Boudoir Photography, Glamour Portraits, Womon's Health and Wellness Tags: best coffee blogs, coffee reviews, gift ideas for coffee lovers, retro teapot, vintage lingerie

I like coffee

because it gives me the illusion

that I might be awake.

Lewis Black

Rise and shine with this Powerful Goddess and the best blogs about everything related to your morning coffee:

The Coffeetographer is set up like a magazine with pretty photos, coffee stories and other features.

The Coffee Adventures, a woman’s foray into the world of coffee roasting and brewing.

Coffee Brew Guides, a blog by Garrett Oden, a home brewing enthusiast.

The Coffee Concierge, Benji, reviews of coffee and coffee makers, recipes, brewing guides and experiments.

Pure Coffee Blog a fanatic’s guide to coffee and tea products and establishments.

Dear Coffee I Love You recommends gift ideas for coffee lovers.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to add your favorite resource for your cup of joe.

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift

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with a Powerful Goddess portrait session Gift Certificate:

Sharon Birke

201 697 1947

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How To Raise An Adult

13 Mar 2016 2 Comments

by Powerful Goddess Portraits by Sharon Birke of DoubleSmart LLC in Best Books for Women, Boudoir Photography, Glamour Portraits, Parenting Tags: art and sculpture, helicopter parents, How to Raise an Adult, New York Times, Parenting Teens

I think

if I make it to 40,

I can be pretty amazing.

Wendy Wasserstein, Uncommon Women & Others

Wandering Rome with my teen surrounded by magnificent sculptures, I imagine the discipline it took artists to mold hard stone into flowing robes and graceful figures. They give me a measure of comfort realizing that parenting teens requires as much patience and dedication–while remembering to keep our hands tied behind our back.

Why did parenting change from preparing our kids for life to protecting them from life? How has this shift left them unprepared to live life on their own?

Julie Lythcott-Haims sums up the effects of “helicopter parenting” from her observations as a parent and as an academic administrator working with college Freshmen in her book How To Raise An Adult.

The central aim of parenting has evolved to preparing children for success and every act of nurturing gets judged on the basis of whether it will usher a child toward a life of accomplishment or failure. This standard holds our everyday choices hostage to worries for their prosperity and future. As the New York Times article of Heather Hevrilesky puts it, “A child who soaks in the ambient anxiety that surrounds each trivial choice or activity is an anxious child, formed in the hand-wringing, future-focused image of her anxious parents.”

Much as we want to exempt our children from pain and suffering, Julie Lythcott-Haims underlines that learning through experience is the best way humans learn. If we don’t allow our children to suffer the tribulations of life, we are not doing our job of preparing them to be adults. It is necessary to hold our tongue and stay out of their way as they stumble, learn how to pick themselves up and arrive at their own answers.

This book is both pro-parent and pro-child, well researched, easy to read, and full of comforting and practical advice for parents walking the tightrope of being supportive without being controlling. Tough, I know!

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share what it takes for your to allow your children to figure things out on their own.

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift

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201 697 1947

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Good Green Envy

25 Feb 2016 1 Comment

by Powerful Goddess Portraits by Sharon Birke of DoubleSmart LLC in Boudoir Photography, Glamour Portraits, Womon's Health and Wellness Tags: redhead glamour, Seven Deadly Sins, why envy is good

I envy paranoids–

they actually believe people are

paying attention to them.

Susan Sontag

With everyone’s life looking absolutely fabulous on Facebook and Instagram, it’s easy to imagine that other people always have it better. If we can’t remember that what we may be comparing are our “insides” with their “outsides,” at least, can there be a good reason why we can’t help but covet our neighbor’s goods?

Of course, envy hurts–pain is meant to be a wake up call. The closer we are to the person we envy, the more intensely we feel this emotion and the harder it is to repress. Few can openly speak of the pleasure we derive from stories of the misfortune of others.

But when we are able to admit we’re envious, we can proceed to inquire, “What am I jealous of, really?,” “What can I learn from this person’s success?,” and “What stops me from going for what she has?”

Envy is an important clue to something we desire but have been putting off. After we go through the gamut of dark emotions it stirs in us, envy helps clarify the direction we can devote our energy next, creating our own satisfying version of reality. And may we see no evil in that!

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share how you deal with your own little green monster.

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift

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Sharon Birke

201 697 1947

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The Rose Bath

09 Feb 2016 2 Comments

by Powerful Goddess Portraits by Sharon Birke of DoubleSmart LLC in Boudoir Photography, Glamour Portraits, Marriage & Relationships Tags: bathtub glamour, Buddhist Pema Chodron, fine art nude, true love, unique Valentine's gift

There must be a few things

that a hot bath can’t cure,

but I don’t know many of them.

Sylvia Plath

Whether someone’s bringing you Valentine flowers or you have to buy/grow them yourself, here are a few thoughts on true love by a favorite Buddhist, Pema Chodron:

People always say that that’s what they want: they want someone to love them unconditionally, and they want to love unconditionally. We think we’d be delighted to have an unconditional relationship, but that’s only as long as it’s on our own terms. Anyone who has been married or in a long-term relationship knows that challenges present themselves constantly. The challenges are to give in, to surrender our way of doing things, and not to split when we feel threatened. Basically, the challenge is to be genuine–to feel our pounding heart or shaking knees or whatever it is, and stick with it. In a nutshell, very few of us ever allow ourselves to be in a situation that doesn’t have at least a teensy-weensy little exit, a place where we can get out if we have to.

By living without “shoulds” we gradually discover our wakefulness and our confidence. Gradually, without any agenda except to be honest and kind, we assume responsibility for being here in this unpredictable world, in this unique moment, in this precious human body.

Every act counts. Every thought and emotion counts, too. This is all the path we have. Are we, at least, willing to catch ourselves spinning off and do that without embarrassment? Do we at least aspire to not consider ourselves a problem, but simply a pretty typical human being who could at that moment give him/herself a break and stop being so critical and compulsive?

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share how you might love (yourself) more easily this season of hearts. Make it memorable!

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift

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Sharon Birke

201 697 1947

Sharon@PowerfulGoddess.com

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The Art of Arousal

30 Jan 2016 2 Comments

by Powerful Goddess Portraits by Sharon Birke of DoubleSmart LLC in Boudoir Photography, Fantasy, Glamour Portraits, Iconic Portraits Tags: erotic art, erotic books, unique Valentine gifts, Valentine gift idea for him and her

I don’t know the question,

but sex is definitely

the answer.

Woody Allen

Inspiration for my work comes from a variety of art, friends, fans of this blog, as well as the women I photograph who share their enthusiasms. A surprise gift that warmed my winter is this delightful book that celebrates sex as a powerful creative force. Dr. Ruth Wertheimer’s The Art of Arousal is a collaboration between a serious art historian and a woman who was converted to the religion of art late in life, proving to herself that there is no deadline for pursuing new directions.

Among the features in the book is a favorite painting, Jean Auguste Dominique Ingres’ Odalisque with Slave. Of all Odalisques, I love this for her relaxed and carefree abandon.

Like me, 18th century French painter Jean Honore Fragonard sought to indulge his client’s whims and fantasies. When the baron de Saint Julien commissioned him for a painting of his mistress: “I should like to have you paint Madame on a swing. You will place me in such a way that I would see the legs of this lovely girl.” Fragonard responded, “Ah! Monsieur, it is necessary to add to the essential idea of your picture by making Madame’s shoes fly into the air.”

The mere sight of a décolletage, the nape of a neck, the curve of a woman’s back can give intense and satisfying pleasure. In Admiration, Degas lends humor to the ridiculous positions a voyeur doesn’t mind being in for a glimpse of his goddess of the moment.

Robert Colescott, a contemporary American artist, portrays himself as the great Henri Matisse painting The Dance. Colescott asks the viewer “What if Matisse were a black American and if Matisse’s models were thick of waist, long of leg and with shocking bleached blonde hair, would we consider them beautiful?”

William Wegman is a contemporary artist who dresses up his family of Weimaraners to photograph them in humorous situations, challenging our stereotypes of human behavior. This photo is named after Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Posed as a slinky studio nude, with one leg coyly lifted to suggest s sultry modesty, she bares not one breast but eight. She knows, as does her master, that eroticism is largely in the mind of the beholder.

If my photography isn’t obvious yet, seduction and flirtation are my favorite pets: Longing fueled by chivalrous courtship and restraint. Imagination and playfulness used to stoke desire. Thoughtful creativity and surprise employed in the pursuit of one’s beloved. Today’s teens would do well to learn the art of conversation in creating an engaging intimate space amidst a crowd. But before you think I’m a prude…

Octave Lassaert’s lithograph Don’t Be Cruel! shows how intimacy provides a safe space for exploring fantasy–or as an exercise in empathy? Here, the woman makes an advance lifting his skirt while he implores her to take it easy.

Above all, I am a romantic so the business of kissing is my favorite subject, next to gazing into the partner’s eyes and tender touching– with clothes on! The Stolen Kiss painted by Margaret Gerard (Fragonard’s sister in law) tells the urgency of a moment when someone can walk into a situation that should not be.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share your Valentine gift inspiration.

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift

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Sharon Birke

201 697 1947

Sharon@PowerfulGoddess.com

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The New Leaf

06 Jan 2016 2 Comments

by Powerful Goddess Portraits by Sharon Birke of DoubleSmart LLC in Boudoir Photography, Glamour Portraits, Womon's Health and Wellness Tags: Beauty, fine art nude, gold leaf, mother daughter relationship, red shawl, sisterhood

This 2016, I resolve to

accomplish my resolution of 2015

that I made in 2014.

Anurag Prakash Ray

A delicious new year of possibilities and beginnings, Everyone! Another golden opportunity to see ourselves with more gentle kindness and greater love. What brave adventures will you say YES to in 2016?

In an era when looking younger than our age is the ideal, Carre Otis shares her journey of self acceptance as role model to her young daughters in A Sisterhood of Inner Beauty (on Huffington Post:)

I’ve learned to surround myself with women who lift me up and leave me feeling nurtured rather than drained. I’ve learned to watch my words, too, particularly around my daughters — two of my greatest teachers — doing my best not to gossip about other women or even myself. If they were to hear me put some of those seemingly automatic thoughts on loudspeaker, such as, “I look bad today… Look at those bags under my eyes…” I now understand that it would impact them in a profoundly unhealthy way. Just as young people absorb all kinds of messages from the media, young girls learn what it means to be a woman by watching the older women in their lives.

I’m proud that today, at 43 years old, I’ve come to value the aging process and anticipate growing older with a sense of excitement. I want my daughters to see their mother fearlessly and gracefully claiming her body, her voice and her years. Easier said than done, of course. For me, it’s required discipline: Just as I’m careful about what my daughters are exposed to, I avoid magazines that critique what female celebrities are wearing, what they’re buying and what they look like. I skip right past channels that exploit “cat fights” or reality shows. And I’ve learned to walk away from any real-life judgmental conversations about women. They bring me down. They bring us all down.

And Goddess knows how powerful we can be when we feel good about ourselves! I wish you a most magical year of reveling in your womanhood at any age. Click on “Leave a Comment” (top left) to share what new possibilities thrill you.

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift

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201 697 1947

Sharon@PowerfulGoddess.com

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Eat Your Heart Out

17 Dec 2015 2 Comments

by Powerful Goddess Portraits by Sharon Birke of DoubleSmart LLC in Best Books for Women, Body Image, Boudoir Photography, Glamour Portraits Tags: Best Books for Women, diet and fitness, Fat Girls Guide Wendy Shanker, Parenting Teens, Perfect Girls Courtney Martin, unique gifts for her, unique gifts for him

I never worry about diets.

The only carrots that interest me

are the numbers on a diamond.

Mae West

To eat, drink, and truly be merry through the holidays, can we please skirt the topic of weight, workouts and diets at festivities? I do my best by walking away or staying mum when this very popular ho-hum subject comes up. What could happen in 2016 if you chuck the weighing scale, keep active in whatever way is fun for you and just listen to your body–eat natural fresh food when you’re hungry and stop when you’re full?

From Courtney Martin’s book Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: The Frightening New Normalcy of Hating Your Body:

Sex and food are the two most loaded issues of our time, the Pandora’s box of our culture, universal and forbidden simultaneously. We even use the same language when it comes to both: temptation, pleasure, crave. Just as we are surrounded by advertisements for food that we “shouldn’t” eat, invited to indulge because we deserve it, we are told, in the next thirty-second spot, that we should get back to the gym if we want to work off some guilt and make ourselves worthy of a bikini this summer. Sexual images are all around us, and pornography inaccessible at the touch of a button, but any teenage girl who wants to protect her reputation must exercise absolute restraint, wait for a committed relationship to explore her sexuality, and keep quiet about masturbation.

How can anyone, under these conditions, be expected to know her true desire? How can anyone navigate the dangerous terrain of reputation and expectation on the road toward her authentic sexuality? How can a woman excited about life emerge without hating the body that leads her into temptation?

After publishing The Fat Girl’s Guide to Life, Wendy Shanker traveled the nation doing readings, book signings, and talking to fans. She reflects, “The best lesson I learned touring is that eery woman, no matter how heavy or how skinny, feels fat. When you’re thin, you’re never thin enough.” When I see some hot girl saunter down the street, I used to give her a dirty look, sure that she had a perfect life. Now I know better. I know that she may look different on the outside, but inside she feels the same way I do. Now, instead of a dirty look, I throw a little mini-vibe of compassion her way.”

This is the heart of the matter: A perfect girl can rule just as tyrannically, and a starving daughter can ache just as deeply, inside a thin body. Our dissatisfaction is never, at its deepest, about our bodies. This is why fat women and thin women often experience the world in similar ways. If a thin woman feels inadequate and “thinks fat,” she may endure less hate coming from the outside in than a fat woman but just as much criticism and sadness from the inside out. If a woman of any size is able to stop her negative self-talk and accept herself, she may experience the world with a little peace of mind.

Obsessing over every little thing we put in our mouths takes away our ability to control our own thoughts, our inalienable right to feel good about ourselves regardless of the size of our thighs. It takes away our time, our pleasure, our energy, our vision, our joy. We are not our bodies. Our souls are not our stomachs. Our brains are not our butts.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share how well you’ll feed Santa at last. And have the merriest Ho-Ho-Ho!

xoxox

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201 697 1947

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Self(ie) Love and Thanks

01 Dec 2015 2 Comments

by Powerful Goddess Portraits by Sharon Birke of DoubleSmart LLC in Boudoir Photography, Fine Art Nude, Glamour Portraits, Womon's Health and Wellness Tags: christmas gift ideas, gratitude, holiday surprise, Parenting Teens, unique gifts for her, unique gifts for him

Wealth hasn’t changed who I am.

My feet are still on the ground.

I’m just wearing better shoes.

Oprah Winfrey

I’ve finally figured out the recipe for the happiest of holidays! First ingredient: Delegate! For Thanksgiving, my teens made one dish each while dinner guests added their family specialty to the buffet. They swear they’d never seen a hostess so relaxed even when the turkey burned–a casualty of computer games distracting the designated chef. I suspect forgoing heels at home had more to do with my cool, for I firmly believe (and note this second ingredient!) stilettos should only be worn to bed.

Looking at the big picture of my year, I spy the third and main ingredient: while “nothing is better than more, except all,” happiness truly depends on our ability to choose gratitude. No one teaches me this as effectively as my stubborn teen who struggles with the concept daily, cringes at hugs, and abhors giving praise. I count him among my great blessings because he reminds me that nobody can take away my power to give myself the love and approval I need.

Fingers and toes run out quickly as I count the small miracles I am thankful for: The very many fun travel adventures and the people I’ve met in my journey, the authors and Powerful Goddesses who have generously shared their wisdom and beauty on this blog, my firstborn thriving at college, he and his sister falling in love with the fun of ballroom dancing, the other son determined to do well on his SAT, the darling husband happy at work, this blog’s fans who always add inspiration and cheerful comments, family and friends who bring laughter and sunshine to our lives, excellent health, teachers who expand our understanding, acceptance and appreciation for who we are, all that what we’ve got, and what we can choose to be.

How about you? Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share your small miracles.

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift of elegant and timeless portraits

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201 697 1947

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Beauty and the Duck Face

19 Nov 2015 1 Comment

by Powerful Goddess Portraits by Sharon Birke of DoubleSmart LLC in Art and Architecture, Boudoir Photography, Glamour Portraits Tags: duck face, glamour selfie, NYC MOMA, Salvador Dali, surreal modern art

Be like a duck:

Calm on the surface, but

paddling like the dickens underneath.

Michael Cain

What felt like a mini-vacation within my my week in Barcelona was a day trip to see all things Dali: his museum in Figueres, lunch at his hometown of Cadaques, and a peek inside his beach house in Port Ligat. The scenery outside Salvador Dali’s window allegedly inspired the landscape in The Persistence of Memory, his most iconic painting from 1931 when he developed his paranoiac-critical method entering a meditative state of self-induced psychotic hallucinations to create what he called hand-painted dream photographs.

Surrealism, Salvador Dali, and modern art in general can be too curious for some people, in the same way that the phenomenon of the duck face intrigues me.

By sucking in the cheeks and pushing out the lips to make them appear fuller, the cheekbones appear more prominent and the eyes wider. This contorts the face in line with the popular standards of feminine beauty. It is a caricature of a singular type of beauty that many of us can only dream of looking like. I’d turn blue sucking in my cheeks without a hint of cheekbone ever showing.

The fans of the duck face obviously like what they see, reveling in their power to change the architecture of what they can control: their face. Those who sit on the other side of the duck pond might consider what I admire in Dali and modern artists: The freedom of artistic expression trouncing all paranoid critics. At the end of the day, he or she who has the most fun, wins!

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share how a duck face looks on you.

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift of elegant and timeless portraits

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201 697 1947

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Passion Project

14 Oct 2015 2 Comments

by Powerful Goddess Portraits by Sharon Birke of DoubleSmart LLC in Boudoir Photography, Fine Art Nude, Glamour Portraits, Women's Empowerment Tags: Alliance Francaise NYC, Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, French women, sex education, sexuality and intimacy, Wild Oats Project by Robin Rinaldi

It’s not true that

I had nothing on.

I had the radio on.

Marilyn Monroe

How do you sustain passion over the course of a long relationship? Is it possible to reinvent your sex life? Can you bring excitement, lust, and desire back after the sizzle fizzles?

On October 28th, Wednesday, 7pm, the French Institute Alliance Francaise (FIAF at 22 East 60th Street, NYC 212 355 6100) brings together the authors of two books recently featured on this blog. Emily Nagoski, author of Come As You Are: New Science that Will Transform your Sex Life and Robin Rinaldi, author of The Wild Oats Project: One Woman’s Midlife Quest for Passion at Any Cost will be discussing their relationship experiences, joined by Ian Kerner, CNN Health sex and relationship expert. Moderated by Dr. Sari Locker, sex educator, psychologist, and professor at Columbia University. Add your own two cents to the conversation and get a book or two signed.

FIAF’s The Art of Sex and Seduction series of talks is curated by writer and journalist Erica Lumière.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share how you rekindle your own inner spark.

xoxox

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201 697 1947

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Keira Knightley on Broadway

17 Sep 2015 2 Comments

by Powerful Goddess Portraits by Sharon Birke of DoubleSmart LLC in Boudoir Photography, Glamour Portraits, NYC Nightlife, Women's Empowerment Tags: Anna Karenina, Jane Austin, Keira Knightley topless, NYC Broadway Shows, Roundabout Theater, Therese Raquin

To be well dressed

you must be

well naked.

Oscar de la Renta

In Pride and Prejudice

I have a weakness for costume–the more romantic and dramatic, the better. Double that weakness when it’s combined with beauty and triple the fascination when there’s courage to do without it.

Keira Knightley, whose coming of age has been sumptuously chronicled in movies like Jane Austen’s Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice and the tragic Anna Karenina, now dares herself to grow further by facing her fear of live theater. On October 1st, 2015, Keira debuts on Broadway in Roundabout’s Theater Company’s Therese Raquin.

With exemplary fearlessness for a photo shoot with Patrick Demarchelier for Interview Magazine, Keira agreed to pose topless under one condition: the image could not be altered or edited in any way. She said, “I’m fine doing the topless shot so long as you don’t make them any bigger or retouch. Because it does feel important to say it really doesn’t matter what shape you are,'” the actress said. What greater romance can there be than loving what you’ve got?

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share the courage of a woman you admire.

xoxox

In Pride and Prejudice

As Anna Karenina

As Anna Karenina

by Patrick Demarchelier

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift of elegant and timeless portraits

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Thinner Peace

10 Sep 2015 2 Comments

by Powerful Goddess Portraits by Sharon Birke of DoubleSmart LLC in Boudoir Photography, Glamour Portraits, Womon's Health and Wellness Tags: body love, diet and fitness, fine art nude, martha beck weight loss, permanent weight loss, weight watchers

I want to weigh less,

not by diet and exercise,

but by acquiring a faulty scale.

Jarod Kintz

Now that both men and women (and, by osmosis, our children) stand firmly united in obsessing about weight, how about a new way of thinking to start the schoolyear? A visualization from Martha Beck on how to keep that weight off for good:

Hold out both your palms. Imagine on one hand a mini-version of your Dictator, that part of you that insists on losing weight, screaming insults that make you feel fat. On the other hand, see a mini-version of your Wild Child, the kid who’s tired, afraid and frightened from being continually assaulted by the Dictator’s attacks and privations. Notice that both mini-yous are essentially good. The Dictators get frantic when you gain weight just as you would if you saw a toddler wandering into traffic. It screams and yells, pushes and forces, because it’s trying to save you from a terrible, fat fate. And your Wild child isn’t remotely malicious, just devastated, confused, and afraid.

Realize that both the Wild Child and the Dictator deserve compassion. Offer it to them by saying this:

You are well.

You are blessed.

You are free.

The wisdom traditions of every culture teach techniques (meditation, prayer) for aligning with this compassionate, observing self.

The antidote to obesity is not starvation, it’s compassion. The opposite of being out of control isn’t being in control, but being in love–not in romance, but as in compassion.

Don’t feel compelled to replace overeating with virtuous work or exercise; instead, make a list of things you love, from watching TV to hanging out with favorite people. Nurturing touch (a pedicure, a massage, sex) is especially effective, since it triggers production of the same opioid hormones as eating.

Stop taking undue responsibility for your spouse’s and children’s feelings.

Become the Watcher. Be kind toward your anxious self. The body is a persistent teacher, always trying to teach us acceptance: of our bodies, our emotions, our situations. Love, in the form of kindness to ourselves, is what never fails.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share how you show compassion towards yourself no matter what.

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift of elegant and timeless portraits

with a Powerful Goddess portrait session Gift Certificate:

201 697 1947

Sharon@PowerfulGoddess.com

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Taking Chances

26 Aug 2015 3 Comments

by Powerful Goddess Portraits by Sharon Birke of DoubleSmart LLC in Boudoir Photography, Glamour Portraits, Women's Empowerment Tags: divorce and relationships, Esther Perel, funny marriage quote, second honeymoon, second marriages, TED Talks

To keep your marriage brimming with love,

whenever you’re wrong, admit it;

whenever you’re right, shut up.

Ogden Nash

Honey and I just got back from our very first honeymoon A.C. (after children) in Puerto Rico–sandy beaches, salsa dancing, and casinos that remind us of how lucky we’ve been betting on each other a lifetime ago and luckier still that we have learned to reshuffle our hand to make the most of the cards life dealt us since.

Like this Powerful Goddess, I did wear white. Not so much to conjure the days of innocence, but for the simple reason that white complements a good tan best. 😉

Lucky we did not swear NOT to talk about the kids during our time alone–impossible with Puerto Ricans who are big on family culture. Seeing young couples with toddlers and their oversized strollers did make us sigh with relief that we can travel far lighter lately.

We flew home in time for the second marriage of my husband’s college buddy. Having witnessed the dissolution of his first, we were thrilled to see him taking another chance with a woman who brings out his playful side. We sat among the witnesses, silently thankful that our own marriage has endured, shuddering at the thought of possibly having uttered the word “obey” at my own wedding?!!!

Esther Perel says all of us do marry a second or third time, though some of us do so with the same person in our personal evolutions. Her TED Talk on The Secret to Desire in a Long-term Relationship asks “Can we want what we already have (for toooo long)?” Now there’s a question where “I do” is a most meaningful answer.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share how you have been lucky to bet on the same person a second or third time. A toast to the courageous!

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift of elegant and timeless portraits

with a Powerful Goddess portrait session Gift Certificate:

Sharon Birke

201 697 1947

Sharon@PowerfulGoddess.com

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Come As You Are

30 Jul 2015 2 Comments

by Powerful Goddess Portraits by Sharon Birke of DoubleSmart LLC in Bestselling Books, Boudoir Photography, Glamour Portraits, Womon's Health and Wellness Tags: bestselling books for women, Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, positive body image, sex education for teens, women empowerment

Women who love themselves

are threatening; men who love

real women, more so.

Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth

Excerpts from Dr. Emily Nagoski, PhD’s new release Come As You Are:

A woman’s body and her pleasure belong to her and no one else. It’s possible to say no to intercourse without saying no to all the other things that come with it–the love, the affection, the pleasure, the play. Your own internal experience is a legitimate guide for whether or not you want to try something.

Exposure to media that reinforces body self-criticism increases body dissatisfaction, negative mood, low-self-esteem, and eating disorders. If there were a food that consistently made you sick, you’d stop eating it. So if there’s media that makes you feel more self-critical, stop looking at it.

Pay attention to how magazines, TV shows, and music videos make you feel, and stop buying what makes you feel worse. If it makes you feels worse, it’s likely to interfere with your sexual wellbeing. Even if you’ve been taught to believe that feeling worse about your body “motivates” you to “improve,” that’s a psychological trap you never need to be caught in again.

To stop watering these weeds in your mind:

Take off all your clothes–or as many as you can bring yourself to take off–and look at your entire body in a mirror. Make a list of everything you see that you like.

Of course, your brain will first be filled with all the self-criticism and disgust you’ve been holding on to all these years. Remind yourself that the day you were born, your body was a cause for celebration, for love without condition, and that’s just as true today as it was then.

Do this over and over again. Practice acknowledging the self-critical, judgmental thoughts yet focusing on the self-appreciating thoughts. Celebrate your body as it deserves to be celebrated. Treat it with the respect and affection it deserves. Never say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to your best friend or daughter.

Click on “Leave a Comment” (above left) to share what helps you be grateful for the beauty that you are.

xoxox

Give the women you love the most unique gift of elegant and timeless portraits

with a Powerful Goddess portrait session Gift Certificate:

Sharon Birke

201 697 1947

Sharon@PowerfulGoddess.com

www.PowerfulGoddess.com

Glamour Portraits of the Goddess in Every Wife & Mother

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